COACHING …life & job
The art of proving useful to others’ growth …what do you think about? We practice it in companies, education or professional centers, as well as individually, training in addition new Coaches. We manage multiple approach, and create the own ones. More than convenient, COACHING IS NECESSARY AND VITAL
THE BEST POSSIBLE OURSELVES
If we came to this planet to grow by taking advantage of our huge set of talents and resources, Coaching is the perfect way of boosting the process until achieving our peak.
Would you like to be the best yourself? Let’s give a try!
An integrative approach to Coaching from different angles, such as NLP, Gestalt, Organizational Constellations, Ericksonian Hypnosis, Generative Coaching, WingWave, Strategic Brief Therapy, together with the own Coaching production through new visions and techniques (EE -expanded empathy-, Banana-Peel technique, Humor Coaching, Creative Coaching, Plastic Coaching…), etc.
Strategic situation analysis together with knowledge and awareness of the reference frame let us prove effective in partnering you from the ‘booster’ position. We detect your strengths and improvable side: YOU JUST GROW AND WIN!
We love rugby and team-sports where synergic combination of will and talent is crucial to achieve maximum goals …like in competitive nowadays business! Our experience in these fields is at your disposal to BEAT EVERY CHALLENGE
Our conversations should imitate rugby! Looking to our fellow (interlocutor), attentive to their move (message), both looking to the same goal (mutual understanding), from similar postures (empathy) and ready to give everything until the end (farewell), having won (growth through fruitful communication). Great!
Competitive professional business world today can learn a lot from sports team-spirit, and everything around its philosophy of effort, will, camaraderie, and braveness.
OR: THE SERIOUS NEED OF RECOVERING PERSPECTIVE ON LIFE PROCESSES
Call it ‘the System’: something is keeping us humans in the field of instantaneity. ‘I want it all and I want it now’ is more than a simplistic slogan to define millenials’ characteristics. The whole of mankind is living in a rush for almost everything.
We run for punctuality at work, we run for getting the last tickets for this fantastic concert, we run even to program supposed-to-be-relaxed vacations!
Like microwaves, our thoughts are getting shortened in length alongside the ongoing process of ‘atomizing’ our life moments, every time shorter …more instant.
I think of an observer that is almost touching a tree leaf with their nose, just for a fraction of second after wich aims towards a following leaf in a ‘continuum’ of brief ray-instants that are building inside their head a rhythm of permanent urgency …without sense.
If this observer stops the frantic path to get back just a step, will observe a foliated branch instead of a leaf … after some more steps, a set of branches will appear, already drawing the tree top. Some back-steps more and the whole tree shows its beauty, together with others’ (we’re already perceiving the forest!).
The observer finds now true sense to the leafs’ existence, and (by gaining wisdom) wants to perceive the whole process that brings completion to the thing: they remain observing the different seasons. The leafs change color, disappear with the wind, and born again to renew life.
‘Microwave’ thoughts find us every moment of every day frantically jumping from tree leaf filaments near our nose to more filaments. Life as a whole is out of our radar though.
We have forgotten the ability to live and enjoy wholistic processes. Development arcs that show completion in many senses. Perspective gives wisdom, understanding, and certainty.
Frantic non-sense hurry, by the contrary, keeps us ignorant and insecure, busy with being busy. Running after hurry.
So healthy will be, then, the ‘antidote’ of daily minutes inside the calmness oasis of reflection, meditative approach to important things like the sense and meaning of our life + existence, etc.
Just to close our eyes and breath in silence for a while, feeling this life going through our veins to keep ‘on’ the true miracle that we are, will be a respectful moment of thankfulness and recognition, nice first step to follow with wholistic vision in perspective.
The true sense and meaning of everything in the horizon: we can easily choose the path then, aiming towards accomplishment of our destiny, deciding each step in reality with full conviction and inner certainty.
‘Til the Next one!
MECHANICS OF INTERIORITY
DEALING WITH SPIRITUAL, EMOTIONAL AND RATIONAL INNER LIFE
We humans are anything but right lines (constant stability). In fact, famous American speaker Zig Zigglar drew us on a live TV show like a zig-zag line, with clear ups and downs as symbols of our life tendencies towards happiness and ‘the other thing’.
Eros and Tanathos, as we’ve commented once in this site, as usual tendencies that direct our decisions and consequent life moments→ ‘I’m working here because I love what I usually do here, and feel Self-accomplished + happy while doing so, contributing to others’ happiness as well’ (Eros) …or ‘I’m working here because is the only thing I have, and I’m fearful about the possibility of leaving this and finding nothing afterwards, so I keep doing things that I hate or that bore me a lot’ (Tanathos).
From the emotional side, it’s also a proven fact that all of our possible emotional replies (remembering happiness, sadness, rage, fear, disgust and surprise as the ones we express in facial way- same way worldwide, according to Dr. Paul Ekman famous research) can never last at their peak for + 20 min. In other words, we’re also emotional ups-n-downs, that we can visualize as zig-zag or curve/wave lines as well.
Saint Ignatius (from Loyola) spoke once about how our interiority works, using also a metaphoric wavy line to define the permanent change in our inner states, as it follows:
According to this systemic vision, we are usually framed by happy peaks (‘consolation’) and sad, decayed, depressive ones (‘desolation’) that form kind of an existential balance necessary to go forward in life, so: we need both!
In fact, hard times seem to be there to make us stronger, and to demonstrate that ‘we can’. Happy moments then are the field where to experience enthusiasm and strength, the one we need precisely to fight our challenges when they arrive. Balance. Stability.
In the Ignatian graphics we see the Stability line built by our Maturity, that comes when we combine understanding + will to move forward, always dealing with the ‘inbetween world’ limited by the mentioned peaks.
From the purely scientific side, a ‘mind-monster’ like Stephen Hawking spoke once to the Royal Society (London) about his new vision on black holes, denying the concept of ‘absorbing jale’ to replace it for ‘gate towards possible new universes’, and referring to human depression (that he was experiencing by the time) exactly the same way, asking people affected by this pathology to take it as a door + channel towards possible new universes (new types of life to them).
The point of acceptance appears as an evident one from there: we are supposed to be more able to become mature by accepting and dealing with ‘hard’ and taking advantage of ‘happy’.
This way we avoid the temptation to artificially keep the upper peak (‘happiness’, that becomes only an imitation of it when ‘forced’) by ‘sensation’. Unfortunately, this artificially-forced state demands a terrible payment afterwards, as a consequence of being ‘invented’ instead of genuine, and people affected by this tends to dramatically fall into deep chasms.
Perhaps we can think of drug addiction as a limit example. After pleasant sensations, usually an abyss is the price.
Acceptance of good and bad times, and disposition to deal with them from the best of ourselves can be a proper way to go on gaining in maturity for rational, emotional and spiritual stability, what will grant a solid, compensated life-cycle of growth until concretion of our destiny, having enjoyed a lot the upper peaks and dealt with the bottom ones in order to get stronger.
‘Til the next one!
ADVANCED COACHING STRATEGIES
RAISING POTENTIAL FOR MANAGING ATTITUDE + MOTIVATION
Our seminars on ‘Advanced Coaching Strategies’, delivered frequently to professional Coaches in the Business, and the Science fields, usually begin by the necessary question about ‘what is advanced coaching’.
By remembering ‘simple’ coaching as the process of accompanying somebody, creatively and empathetically, while they’re running their path towards achieving their superior goals (as e.g. how to be ‘the best possible themselves’), then we can think of doing the same, but better 😊
According to my suggested formula for success in business (Training + Mentoring x Coaching), the Coaching side is about handling both Attitude + Motivation …the ‘toughest side’ according to some friends in managerial positions. Then, as always: to do it ‘better’ needs first to do it ‘well’.
So, how is usually Coaching practiced in firms? The Coach comes there (coaching session) knowing about the type of work/tasks that the Coachee does in a daily basis, and of course is supposed to have Coaching knowledge + abilities. Then, the game begins.
‘Game’ intentionally included here, as the ‘father’ of modern Coaching, Dr. Timothy Gallwey, started the thing by writing his book ‘The Inner Game’, where a whole world of inner barriers and blocking factors was brought to the surface as main cause for many ‘defeats’ (also intentionally included as he was a well known tennis-player by the time, sharing the Sporting activity with his chair at Harvard).
Generally, besides the specific professional knowledge (about the Project + Company type of activity, goals and needs) the ‘other side’ of approach in coaching sessions has to do with the Person (as the Tasks are tackled by Mentoring) and their inner world, with specific focus on what they count on (talents, resources, strengths, intelligence, etc. …their ‘Potential’) and what impeedes all of this to florish to the peak (inner limiting beliefs, fears, traumas, insecurities, weaknesses, low points, health problems, etc. …the ‘Interferences’).
Gallwey’s formula for Performance (deeply linked to Coaching in Business) is therefore: Potential – Interferences. Easy!
Good Coaching (like good Leadership) is about boosting Potential towards Concretion, and diminishing or cancelling Interferences to avoid their blocking, extremely negative effect.
Is this ‘advanced’? Could be! As well as Messi kicks a ball like any average player, even if in his boots is an ‘advanced’ way of playing football 😊
Ok, more than the Coache’s talent, that always counts, of course, we’re speaking here about the Coachee’s one, and how to stimulate its growth until highest accomplishment of Self-realization and life/work goal-achievement.
NLP (NeuroLingüistic Programming) is usually a fantastic tool used at practically every level in Coaching, to the point that short ago it was considered by many as ‘Coaching itself’.
True that its practical approach and consequent easyness to apply + verify effects help a lot in Business. True, also, that we usually need more to achieve the highest levels, mainly because of the huge variety of cases that a Coach can find there. Perhaps to count on variety of coaching options should be, then, the logical solution. So, what’s in the Coaching world besides NLP?
We understand by ‘Integrative Coaching’ the solid knowledge + preparation to use many different Coaching approaches depending on the situation/case needs.
We usually cover approaches like Gestalt, Constellations (Systemic), Generative, Strategic Brief, Transformational, Transactional, Ericksonian, WingWave©, applied E.Q., Chromatic, Integrative-Elemental, Plastic, Design or Humor Coaching, and there are many other options.
On one hand, the depth + skill level through which we implement a coaching session (whatever type of approach, if a proper one) is determinant in terms of defining the respective experience as ‘advanced’, or (let’s say) standard.
On the other hand, yes, variety that provides versatility of options to tackle diversity of typologies (situations, challenges, etc.) of Coaching needs is another lens of approach that can define the thing. ‘Advanced’? Yes, if the most proper one at the best, deepest level 😊
Some ‘5 cents’ of this variety, and the probable reason to choose from it:
NLP (NeuroLingüistic Programming) is mainly a model for successful communication that puts the focus on ‘how we function’ and how to achieve the future we want to leave in (more sales or better performance could be a ‘cliché’ in business e.g.). Good to tackle needs like a worker innerly limited by wrong convictions (‘I’m not good enough’, ‘I can’t: too much for me’, etc.) and many other ones, with (again) the great advantage of its ‘down-to-earth’ approach and practical possibilities of application+evaluation.
Gestalt at its turn is a sudden, necessary ‘dose of reality’ (My-true-Self, Here, Now) for those that live in a wrong conviction that shapes their judgement, behavior, decision-making …obviously for bad. ‘Everybody hates me in this team’ is the solid conviction from a worker that, of course, behaves in consequence every day at the office, when in reality only a part of the team has some difference of opinion (never ‘hate’) respect to him in important aspects of the daily work . To be ‘tuning Self’ the wrong way could also happen, as it did with me talking to my daughter years ago: ‘Dad, can you remember that I’m not one of your Students, but your Daughter, please?’ (ooops, I was playing the ‘educator’ -role- and she was needing her father -my·true·self). It was a Gestalt message!
Constellations, or Systemic approach, have to do with whe Person and/inside their Context, mainly linked human beings that influence on their state and behavior. From this point of view it cares about any improvement need from a worker that is affected by its coexistence with others (colleagues, ‘boss’, etc.). If the main need refers to this environmental approach, then Coaching has to be practiced ‘high scope’: Person and peers. At the same time, it’s an approach that cares about the past influence on present: hidden ‘injuries’ and ‘treasures’ we always bring as a result of childhood and previous experiences that left a (usually unconscious) mark.
Generative is telling us that we need to create something ‘new’ if we want perceivable changes in our (personal/professional) life. ‘If we do what we’ve always done, we’ll get what we’ve always got’ (NLP saying), and the thing here is to go deep into our inner true goals, then to come to surface again with a (new) plan to follow in order to achieve these goals. And the emphasis here is in the ‘DO it’ point, that will be highlighted and verified by the Coach.
‘What do you want to achieve in this new Project?’, ‘When will you begin …whith What action?’ …’Ok, I’ll call you after to receive from you a nice report of this being done and your goal achieved’ could be a nice piece of Generative stuff from the Coach 😊
Strategic Brief …Therapy, Intervention, etc., refers to a set of ‘micro-techniques’ that will enable the Coach to tackle deep problems/needs in a short amount of time. The common need of maximizing the (usually) short time from modern workers for Coaching (or Training, or Mentoring, etc.) purposes makes the implementation of the SB option ideal. From its several techniques we can mention Normalization, Utilization (both used in psychoterapy a lot), Diadic approach, Deframing, Curiosity, Use of Silence, Coping Questions, Pessimistic Questions, Problem-Tracking, and many others which list and explanation deserve a further specific article (coming soon 🙂
Ericksonian approach comes from practical application of some Ericksonian Hypnosis sides so useful for coaching purposes, like changing worker focus from problema to solution, inducing their ‘trance’ (another concept and approach deserving own future article! 🙂 adapted to their characteristics, preferences, etc., the use of unspecific language to allow their subconscious perception to define the frame of the information being managed (in order to reach better their individual, particular needs e.g.), etc. Far from making someone ‘levitate’, this is a therapeutic kind of hypnosis from which, in addition, we apply only some determined, adapted aspects in business.
WingWave© rellies on a ‘tripod’ made by NLP specific application (framing, e.g.), brain hemispheric bilateral stimulation (E.M.D.R. style), and myosthatic (phisiological) approach, all of what form a so powerful kind of Coaching approach that can remove deep childhood traumas or solve addictions, pathological fears, etc. Of course, if applied for business purposes, the range of application adapts to the usual needs in the field, keeping intact the inner power of the method. Main characteristic for newcomers to the concept: it’s so fast! Too complex itself as to compare with any of the fast BS techniques, and higher in scope + stronger in results.
Cool, then the ‘game’ (again) is there for every player to give their best in it. Some Coaches will prefer huge, deep specialization to scientific levels on only one (or few) type(s) of approach. Some others will open up as much as possible to get involved in variety, wanting to feel higher ‘freedom of choice’ to adapt to reality variety and diversity. Up to you, Coach!
And to you Reader, well, please notice that there are ‘advanced’ Coaches walking this planet, and far from being ‘strange bugs’ they are usually solid professionals able to help you overcome your worst barriers and to achieve your highest goals 😊
‘Til the next one!
THE 4 ELEMENTS COACHING/ bf© STYLE
WHO ARE YOU? & …WHO ARE THEM? TIPS FOR HIGHER ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
EARTH: identity, values, resiliency, faith, Self-confidence…
WIND: soft-persuasion, inspiration, Empathy…
FIRE: will, passion, beliefs, ambition, Motivation…
WATER: versatility, adaption, Strategy, potential, Creativity…
A) UNDER HIGH PRESSURE FROM A CHALLENGING SITUATION, YOU:
- Stay calm based on high Self-confidence and clarity in your mind and heart.
- Think of subtle ways of modifying the situation in order to make it less challenging.
- React in strong, driven way showing character to dominate the situation.
- Tend to find in yourself the best possible reply/strategy to cope with the challenge.
- Just don’t care and sing your favorite song until getting asleep.
B) IF SOMEBODY YOU KNOW AND APPRECIATE IS IN TROUBLE AND NEEDS HELP, YOU:
- Behave best possible way, showing in tactful way what you think they’d imitate, or follow.
- Inject faith to them in expressive, warm way, talking to them openly, direct to point(s).
- Choose an adapted-to-them way of approach in order to prove as useful as possible.
- Send them to the biggest shop in the city, where they can solve anything for a chip price.
- Remain calm and respectfully distant, reflecting on your values in case of needing to help.
C) WHILE FACING A BIG DILEMMA THAT CAN AFFECT SERIOUSLY YOUR NEAR FUTURE, YOU:
- Stand up full of confidence and will, aiming your finger energetically to what you think is best.
- Evaluate situation and analyze pros/cons of different choices before taking the right one.
- Throw a coin in the air and choose the corresponding option.
- Dive deep inside you, listening your ‘inner voice’ until being sure of what you’ll decide.
- Get neutral (far from fear, excitement, etc.) and think of future consequences of your choice.
D) DURING A ‘LOW’ PERIOD OF DEMOTIVATION, HIGH SKEPTICISM, ETC., YOU TEND TO:
- Advantage from this state to learn from it, then look for a natural way of lifting your spirit.
- Run around the block shouting ‘To infinity and beyond!’ with Buzz Lightyear’s voice.
- Remember better times of Self-certainty and begin to feel better, acting to improve Self.
- Read, watch videos, listen to advice, in order to get inspired for feeling progressively better.
- Get angry with yourself rejecting such a painful state and doing huge effort to get out from it.
E) TO MOVE FORWARD IN LIFE, IN GENERAL LINES, YOU:
- Just move forward in life. Why to add unnecessary complications, dude?
- Carefully know yourself, strengths and improvable sides, to advance in based, genuine way.
- Reflect a lot, take time to act, and do so always in subtle (even if secure and justified) way.
- Go on confidently facing (and beating if possible) challenges and barriers, looking for your goal.
- Watch (& preview, if possible) each next step in order to take always the most tailored choice.
Options A1, B5, C4, D3, E2: EARTH (rooted, stable, balanced)
Options A2, B1, C5, D4, E3: WIND (subtle, influencing, reflecting)
Options A3, B2, C1, D5, E4: FIRE (driven, passionate, brave)
Options A4, B3, C2, D1, E5: WATER (flexible, adaptable, strategist)
Options A5, B4, C3, D2, E1: INCLASSIFIABLE (you need some help, please call us!)
HOW TO DEAL WITH ‘EARTH’ PEOPLE?
YOU: Look for peaceful places and moments in order to be in deep contact with yourself.
THEM: Approach them in simple way by a structured speech realistically based.
HOW TO DEAL WITH ‘WIND’ PEOPLE?
YOU: Take time to evaluate present in terms of future (consequences of decisions, choices, etc.). Look for creative options frequently.
THEM: Approach them in receptive + attentive way, mixing your emission with some questions.
HOW TO DEAL WITH ‘FIRE’ PEOPLE?
YOU: Get involved with strong experiences and ‘live’ them intensely. Physical exercise adviced.
THEM: Approach them in calm, friendly way, showing appreciation while talking with simplicity.
HOW TO DEAL WITH ‘WATER’ PEOPLE?
YOU: Look for alternatives at every moment. Be transparent with yourself and evaluate frame of action to match consequent decisions/actions.
THEM: Approach them in confident, permeable way, emitting as you usually prefer, with freedom and common sense at the time.
AND FINALLY, HOW TO GAIN A BIT MORE OF…
‘EARTH’: stand up barefoot and feel the energy below, getting up through yourself. Think deeply on how you feel at the moment, and evaluate possible reasons for this. Remember your past key moments from childhood until present time. Ask yourself fundamental questions as i.e. ‘why’ do you exist, ‘what for’, etc.
‘WIND’: close your eyes and expand your mind to the universe, using your imagination to fly over fields, cities, planets, situations you care about. Project your own self to the future and try to visualize that reality as a consequence of ‘who’ and ‘how’ you are now. Listen to music while mentally drawing or painting a picture of something you want/ look for, etc.
‘FIRE’: challenge yourself to exagerate your emotional replies to diverse facts/situations: think of pleasant moments and enjoy them madly in your mind …think of people you like/love and feel in extreme contact with them full of joy …laugh loud! …shout! Jump and practice wild boxing against imaginary enemies that you really hate (including ‘abstract’ ones like injustice, vileness, evil, abusive behavior, etc.). Express your rejection facially (use a mirror) and physically (gestures), etc.
‘WATER’: breath deeply while connecting with the space around you. Appreciate it with sharpness and intensity, trying to imagine that you are expanding yourself until occupying every part of the empty space around you. Think of how this space could be nicer, or better (re-accomodate furniture, light, etc.) and modify your expanded reality until fulfilling the new empty spaces in the improved situation, etc.
The ‘etc.’ at the end of each typology tells us about the infinitude of growing possibilities in every single one of them.
Think we need more stuff yet? Well, coming soon 😊
‘Til the Next one!
THE MONKEY J🙂KE
UNCONSCIOUS BIASES IN PERCEPTION, JUDGEMENT & DECISION-MAKING
Hi oh, evolved monkey! 😊 At least from Paul McLean’s approach (‘triune brain’) we are kind of a walking consequence of our evolution history, as counting on ‘3 brains’ or, to be more anatomically proper, three different type of functions being developed in our only brain coming from time accumulation, the following way:
REPTILIAN: on top of our backbone is the most ancient side of our brain, linked to ‘automatisms’ like heart-rate or blood-pressure, and ‘home’ of our wildest INSTINCTS (survival ones included), intact as it was when we were repting, thus needing more the smell than the sight to detect preys or predators, what explains smell being the only sense directly linked to this part of our brain still today.
MAMMALIAN: also known as ‘limbic’ brain (second evolution stage according to McLean) because of ‘limbus’ meaning ring (the organ’s shape) in latin, is lodged over the ‘reptilian’ one and its evolving growth came also by an enhancement of our smelling potential (the one of our ancestor species, to be honest). Is the ‘land’ of EMOTIONS (happiness, anger, sadness, disgust, surprise and fear being the six ones we can express facially in universal way), and SOCIAL potential to link with others, a common characteristics from mammalians respect to reptiles, usually more isolated.
PRIMATE-HUMAN: third stage enabling us to manage THOUGHTS in rational, analytical and creative way thanks to the enormous potential of the cerebral cortex in combination with other powerful components. From the hipocampus we manage our MEMORY, a huge asset to link with reality, raise our consciousness and grow in knowledge to go forward in the evolution path, what seems marvelous and happy like a Disney film …until becoming aware of an evidence:
REPTILIAN→ MAMMALIAN→ PRIMATE-HUMAN, or
INSTINCT→ EMOTION→ THOUGHT. The ‘highway’ is built in one way direction, allowing the most primitive side to ‘access’ the evolved one with dramatic easyness.
Nobel Prize Daniel Kahnemann calls this ‘access’ as ‘HEURISTICS’. Again, is easier for instinctive or emotional ‘explosions’ to blast rational possibilities of balanced neutral decision-making than to go the ‘reverse way’ (from rationality to emotionality, for instance) even if it seems to be sooooooo convenient:
Another great master, Dr. Daniel Goleman, the ‘father’ of modern Emotional Intelligence, speaks about the convenience of trying to invert sometimes this easy tendency by looking for rational control on our emotional ‘volcano’ before taking any action in order to grant our behavior being, precisely, balanced and always well adapted to best possible circumstances.
From his point of view (E.Q.’s one): THOUGH, EMOTION, and ACTION form the ‘triangle’ we humans should care about to suceed→ let THOUTHG control EMOTION before ACTION 😊
This usually spontaneous ‘invasion’ (from ancient sides to modern rational ones) is ‘the monkey’s joke’ we speak about in the subject, obviously with a bit of humor and without any scientific properness.
Now let’s speak about a usual consequence of ‘heuristics’ in our reality that affects Perception, Judgement and Decision-Making (nothing less!):
¿Can we really take ‘free’ decisions if being conditioned in our perception and judgement of reality? What a nice question!
‘BIAS’ is an Irrational + Distorted interpretation of reality, usually due to evolving need of extreme Urgency in decision-making. During hard previous times in our evolving path, more than once we had to decide in the blink of an eye (or quicker) something in order to keep alive.
It’s no longer the case now! …at least in majority of circumstances of this priviledged phase in which humans count on myriad of scientific advancements making life easier than ages ago.
Even though, the ‘monkey’s joke’ (the precise moment in which an automatism urges too much and makes us decide wrongly) is still there, influencing a lot of our present.
‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’, from Kahnemann, is a delicious book where to go in depth with the thing, if keeping highly interested. ‘Fast thinking’ is rapid + intuitive, useful to save time. ‘Slow thinking’ is analytical and rational, good to act with accuracy.
And from the hundreds of identified, typified, classified and studied Biases, we expose these few following ones as nice examples to take into account:
CONFIRMATION: we select (from reality) what confirms our ideas, and despise what goes against, losing objectivity this way.
SERIES ILLUSION: we perceive ‘patterns’ where there is none, thus building superstition or simplistic stereotypes that push ourselves to unnecessary fear/ defensive attitude.
BARNUM·FORER EFFECT: we manage vague/ general descriptions about ourselves as if they were defined and specific, thus over–interpreting/ or misinterpreting.
RETROSPECTIVE BIAS: we tend to consider past facts as predictable, only when they have already happened, pretending we always ‘knew’ this (to compensate our lack of ‘proactive vision’).
CORRUPT POWER: we tend to abuse from our ‘power’ when free from restrictions and in advantageous position inside a group, thus committing evil facts.
ATTRIBUTION BIAS: we distort perception of Self (always in favorable way) in comparison with similar, interpreting reality from this wrong lens (thus losing objectivity and potential for growth).
FIRST IMPRESSION EFFECT: we perceive, remember, and value more first contact with somebody than further info on them, thus distorting respective reality.
SUPERVISION (AUTHORITY) BIASES
INFORMATION BIAS: we tend to seek information, even if not relevant for decisions to make or actions to take, in order to feel better justified/supported, thus losing time and adding artificial complexity to the system.
SINGLE-OUTCOME CALCULATION: we tend to restrict possible outcomes to the most desirable ones (attached to organizations’ beliefs, etc.), thus weakening preparation for other possible scenarios to come.
INTERVIEWS + HIRING BIASES
SIMILARITY-ATTRACTION BIAS: we tend to overestimate candidates that are ‘like ourselves’ (same schools, same interests, same hobbies, etc.) through a sensation of comfort and inflated familiarity. We can hire somebody without skills for the job, and ignore people different from ourselves that can bring richness to the whole system.
HALO: we tend to generalize from punctual traits of the candidate that can have called our attention (for good or bad) , thus falling into ‘wishful thinking’ sometimes: we reject the ‘risk’ of proving more, keeping attached to the already satisfactory impression, thus remaining in a surficial instance of the ‘scanning’ side.
ILLUSORY CORRELATION BIAS: we tend to perceive relationship between candidates and events, or behaviors, even if no evidence of such relationship (i.e. asking ‘what type of mechanical piece would you be?’ to build further conclusions based on their reply). We pretend to have an insight in the candidate’s personality, even if this kind of information rarely predicts job performance.
In fact, we could write many books on the matter, remaining in the end ‘incomplete’ anyway, as the huge amount of Biases affecting our reality seems to be endless.
Hope this small sample will prove useful to reflect on the matter, inviting us to counter-attack …How?
SOME UNBIASING ADVICE …LET’S GET RID OF THE MONKEY! 😊
The necessary process to reduce the biasing impact includes key elements like:
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT: knowing about Biases and how they can affect ourselves.
AWARENESS: attention on our own case, and detection of these effects happening in ourselves.
COPING STRATEGIES: development of ways to minimize the impact, usually by early (better) detection and further adaptive action.
At the same time, some convenient traits of Behavior against Biasing could be:
ACCEPTANCE, OPENNESS, INCLUSION, ATTENTION, ANALYSIS and REFLECTION.
In other words, to be first elastic enough to have a wide perception on huge diversity around us (different cultures, personalities, moods, actions and reactions, visions and perspectives, etc.) and then the rational capacity to process this reality in balanced, neutrally reflective way to grant consequent best behavior, attitude, and decision-making.
Let’s ‘think slow’ about this!
‘Til the Next one,
EGO (Evil Gaining Ourselves)
THE OWN DOCTOR, THE OWN ENEMY
A topic I worked in Ericksonian Hypnosis (learning from a referent: Eulàlia Robert) is ‘The Inner Doctor’. Huge potential to cure ourselves from deep inside us. ‘Wow’
As NLP usually recites, we humans count on everything necessary to succeed in life. Everything. Deep inside us.
Our doctor is there, our friend is there, our constructor is there …also our worst enemy.
Evil Gaining Ourselves. Ego out of frame, far from building our identity and social + affective links (narcisistic and œdipal childhood phases, i.e.), if badly managed, ego is our trap, creating more ilness than health both mentally and physically. ‘Oops’
Miguel Ruiz speaks about ‘4 Agreements’ for a happy life from good communication. The 3rd one is ‘Don’t take it personally’. Wise. To let our hyper-sensitivity affect our own health while being addressed, treated, etc. in rough or unpolite way is, in the end, to play the other’s game, and to create grudges inside means losing energy for better goals as (i.e.) building ourselves for success.
Assumptions are, at their turn, the worst thing we can commit in communication, and they’re usually rooted, also, in bad ego: we prefer to give for granted that ‘this one did this because they hate me’ or so, instead of checking to verify true intentions. It’s more comfortable to remain inside our (usually wrong) conviction than to search truth. Laziness bringing ourselves towards bad relationships many times.
‘The Inner Doctor’ is one from endless ways of activating the best potential from us in life (like good Meditation, like working solidly worthy values that will guide towards high goals, etc.). It’s an exercise of inner scanning to find through necessary dialog (at a deep level) the therapeutic path towards relief from what negatively affects ourselves.
If needing a ‘doctor’, most probably we suffer from something …that the doctor’s counterpart (evil) usually produces from wrong messages that make us sink into depression, irrational rage, wish of vengeance, etc.
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde inside there waiting for us to let them act + influence in our reality.
The choice is ours.
‘Till the next one!
EARTH, WIND, FIRE & WATER
FOUR CONSTITUTIVE ELEMENTS FROM REALITY, AND HUMAN CHARACTER
We humans have an impressive, endless potential in flexibility to solve challenges, barriers, the unexpected. In connection to the universe around, the compositive elements of reality come into action from deep inside ourselves if we know where to look for.
How come? Let’s see:
WATER, our best ‘tune’ in order to go forward because of providing life itself, and keeping it ‘on’.
Shapeless (extreme adaption power), WATER can flow, or crash, as Bruce Lee famously expressed in a video, and many times we need this, precisely: to adapt, instead of wanting the rest of the world to adapt to ourselves.
Famous Austrian psychologist Viktor Frankl also said a brilliant quote alike: ‘If you have tried many times for reality to change, and it doesn’t, it has arrived the time for YOU to change’.
EARTH, remembering our ‘roots’ and the solid soil that keeps ourselves firm.
Like the rocks (resilient, hard, quiet), EARTH is our planet, our geological mother, and the basement allowing us to face any challenge firmly, on our feet, rooted in the conviction that we’ve been here always, and we’ll keep.
‘Children take what parents give’ said Bert Hellinger, ‘pope’ of Constellations and follower of Virginia Satir and her systemic Family Therapy, remembering about how important are the embryonic early childhood experiences and assimilated values, beliefs, and knowledge + useful information to manage in the rest of life.
WIND, intangible force that runs long distances and impulses others (sails, windmills…) to achieve success.
Many times we are the energy for things to happen, even if in subtle, even hidden way, changing minds if necessary, sweeping away any bad moment or behavior as wind does with accumulated leaves on the floor.
‘Be the change you want’ Mahatma Ghandi said, and being the ‘example’ usually pushes others like the wind, in a determined direction. Good leaders, like good teachers, can teach and motivate at the same time. It’s impressive how the consequent effects can hugely escape afterwards from their acknowledgement, germinating in future decisions and chosen paths for their circumstancial public. Like polen blown away by the wind.
FIRE, the passionate power to burn and renew, like it happens in nature.
Inside us, the flame that melts any barrier will boost our way forward, even if we should know how to control its power, like bombers do in extreme cases 😊
‘Courage is the most important of all virtues’ according to Maya Angelou, and it’s surely true, as well as we can speak about Motivation linked to high will (+ courage?) of achieving or doing something, etc. Inner flame. FIRE.
What a difference between people that bring the fire inside (they ‘live’) respect to others that seem skeptical enough not to be interested in anything else but breathing and keeping their metabolism working (they ‘last’).
EARTH, WIND, FIRE …and WATER. Just metaphors that refer to the enormous human potential for versatile choice on attitude, behavior and actions always addressed to move forward beating challenges if necessary, until achieving their highest goals.
EARTH …I’m who I am and know about this (awareness) at every moment, feeling backed by this solid identity, values, beliefs, constructive experiences of life until today. I’m the rock firmly standing throughout time and evolving anyway, in contact with other elements (wind, water…) that can shape my form, renewing it.
WIND …I leave a seed everywhere and in everybody I interact with, influencing through my energy, example, behavior, communication style, etc., in futures I can’t even imagine, where somebody will take decisions base don this influence. I’ll be too supporting people with my injection of faith on them, stimulating, boosting their advancement and growth. My invisible energy will go forward over water and earth, capable of inflating…
…FIRE! I can make the spark of inspiration become the huge flame of determination to accomplish with the desired milestones and goals. The heat for love and battle. Warm enough to protect in cold times, strong enough to make barriers evanish and become ash. ‘Emotions always win’, and mine are bringing me forward blown by the wind over the earth and only controlled by…
…WATER 😊 77% of myself! I’m life itself, vibrating with the universe around, adapting to others’ shape sometimes to coexist in harmony, or sweeping lands and putting out fire when my strength breaks free. Capable of becoming invisible (steam) or roughly solid (ice) and, mainly, of bringing life to others too.
THE DANCE OF THE 4 ELEMENTS
Which one is ME? Of course, all of them, even if some will be more inherent to our personality than others.
‘I’m feeling doubtful, challenged by powerful temptations or huge threats, feeling insecure, weak, unstable …what can I do?’
EARTH will surely provide the rock firmness. Values and beliefs will guide the way, then. Remember your roots and simply Be Yourself.
‘I’m feeling dry, sterile, uncapable of doing anything well for me or to others …what can I do?’
Blow the best from you to the universe, like friendly WIND that moves the mill blades for producing food, or pushes sails towards their destiny. Act. And do it the best way, with dignity and giving everything to the similar (the mill, the sail…).
‘I’m feeling demotivated, bored, stagnant, skeptical about everything around …what can I do?’
I’d look for the spark. And would let it inspire my growing interest towards happiness and goal-accomplishment. Evoking the FIRE of past times that gave me satisfaction, self realization, triumph. Winning energy to wake-up and launch myself forward.
‘I feel strange in my new situation, different from everybody else, even if having to share many hours a day with them …what can I do?’
‘Be WATER my friend’ should be Bruce’s advice, and I totally agree. We humans are born to adapt as a way of survival success. Always keeping the own values intact (EARTH) we can still approach others in flexible way (WATER) moved by the will (FIRE) of doing our best to boost (WIND) camaraderie and goal achievement together with our fellow life-travellers.
And what about the ‘4 ELEMENTS COACHING’? Interesting question!
Let’s live the thing for a next report 😊
INDEPENDENCE? …LET’S WAKE-UP FIRST!
FROM ILLUSION TO RESPONSIBLE SEARCH OF INDEPENDENT INFO MANAGEMENT
It is said that the binomial ‘education-mass media’ can arrive to be disastrous for independence …of criteria. And what else could we need to be really ‘independent’ than to think by ourselves?
Having worked for so long in both fields (media first, education then, a lot in both at the same time) I completely agree with the concept.
Even neuro-scientists like David Bueno i Torrens, also specialist in education, have clearly spoke about the power of school programs to ‘create’ mood patterns in people, for instance: the lack of independent criteria to analyze reality, what furtherly easies the task of being pushed towards ‘upper’ goals for them.
‘Goals for them’ means ‘goals for YOU’, dear interlocutor. What are them really? Please make a list and then, one by one, ask yourself about their true belonging to your freedom of choice. Freedom? Hehe, as you guess, we could deepen the thing to extremely worrying points.
Who ignores, at these highs, the ‘Coca-Cola’ experiment by inserting only one fotogram (of a soooo tasty Coke, of course) into a sequence of 24 x second during a film emission, with the consequent effect of lot of people in the cinema buying Coke immediately after the film’s end?
Subliminal stuff is usually part of advertising products of any kind (print, video, radio, etc.), and the subtle work coming from the Agencies’ laboratories can penetrate minds indiscriminately, without our permission. Indeed, so it happens, frequently.
‘Do you really need this pair of sneakers you’re disperately wanting now, after some couple of impact adverts on TV this week?’ …or, ‘Do your really want what you think you want in life?’ Nice question!
‘Mass histery’, a scary concept itself, only needs some rumor of uncertain verification to be spread into society …and the snowball happens.
Of course, the intentional extremely-low quality of current TV products in general (and in particular some of them arrive to be directly offensive to human dignity) are far from being ‘subliminal’ and, without any shame, shoot at point-blank against any possibility of contributing to human viewers’ growth.
(Thinking referents as Zygmunt Bauman have expressed also the danger of the ‘new mass’ media, the social ones, where people lives the illusion of a world ‘tailored to them’, by deciding who will be friend or discarded, always listening their own voice in the mirror of their own image.)
The ‘binomial’ Education/Media, let’s accept this, has been inoculating tones of thoughts, convictions, and other mind products alongside our whole life, from early childhood (where the influence is enormous) to the last minute.
Drop after drop, a determined consciousness is being shaped, and patterns of behavior that will keep us convinced this is the ‘best way’ will also be installed, like virtual programs in our computer: Why to doubt about this? My teacher said this! It was published in the newspapers! Both!!!
Questions are the most powerful tool in Communication, experts agree.
Here you are, this exceptional antidote against the educational-media spider web:
‘Who am I?’ ‘What is the sense of my Life?’ ‘What are MY Goals?’ ‘What am I doing to reach them?’ ‘Do I really want+need these new sneakers???’ 😊
Independence of criteria: ‘My teacher said this …is it true? Always? Under every condition?’
The newspaper published this: ‘What is their political line? How do they approach reality usually …from which side or perspective?’ …etc.
‘Panis et Circus’, the Cæsar said …what a brilliant strategist! So you can have whole populations eating from your hand.
‘Education and Media’ …and whole populations will follow even the most surrealistic madness from their leaders. ‘Brainwashing’ is the process of cancelling thoughts to replace them by others. If the systemic inoculation has been working properly, then this ‘wash’ will be completely unnecesary.
All of this having been said, EDUCATION (yes, with capital letters) has been the job of my family alongside generations, and it has the great potential to boost humans’ growth, for us to reach our highest goals. OURS 😊
MASS-MEDIA, at their turn, can be a so worthy way of making the same thing possible: the British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) counts on my favor and admiration because of the serious way they build their stuff, the high degree of responsibility behind, etc.
Then, to do it well and aiming towards altruist objectives is perfectly possible.
In the end, and to a certain extent, it’s ourselves who choose where we (or our children) will be educated, and what media to frequent as well. So:
Good Choice! …from your highest INDEPENDENCE of criteria.
BONUS TRACK: OUR OWN UNCONSCIOUS BIASES…
Yes, a ‘third enemy’ is ourselves, at all. Our deeply lodged previous evolution phases that usually ‘invade’ the rational criteria from the dark abyss of instinct or emotion (wrong way, as some emotions are directly blessing), what Nobel prize Daniel Kahnemann explains as ‘heuristics’.
In fact, lot of biases distort what should be rationally independent applicable criteria, affecting our judgement and decision-making in consequence.
So, how to be independent from our own Self? This is a matter of a different article 😊 Coming Soon!
‘Til the Next One,
DESIGN THINKING AS A SELF-DEVELOPMENT PROCESS
Can this academic+scientific trending topic of nowadays prove useful for something else than business and innovation?
Guess both David Kelly & Tim Brown, creators of the process, were more focused on their Clients’ (Apple, Coca-Cola, Ford…) growth than personal Coaching at the moment of the brilliant birth, even if…
LET’S GIVE A TRY! …as we usually need just a structured path to follow in order to achieve key goals like improving ourselves, and this one deserves an opportunity in my humble opinion 😊
THE STRUCTURE we speak about is in Design Thinking simple and clear. It counts originally on 5 sequential phases that can complete a path of problem-solving while facing something serious like ‘need of growth’, for instance.
- EMPATHY: an objective approach to the problem, conflict, challenge, barrier to cope with. Direct contact to gather first-hand info, in non-judgemental way. What it feels like from inside.
How frequently do we ask to ourselves the fundamental questions?: Who we are? What is the sense of our life? WHAT (and HOW) CAN WE IMPROVE? In business, interviews are usual part of this first phase, so to interview our own Self could be a nice idea to begin.
- DEFINE: the goals to achieve, in identifiable, specific way, in order to have a ‘radiography’ of key need(s) useful to generate afterwards an action plan to go for their solution.
Our weaknesses or unaccomplished objectives (identified through the ‘Self-interview’ of step 1.) can be here crucial to MARK GOALS TO ACHIEVE in our growth-path. In business, it’s a matter of exactly the same: defining goals.
- IDEATE: creative alternatives to solve the previously identified needs already transformed into goals-to-achieve. Generation of proposals from creative techniques and problem-solving strategy.
Knowing ourselves bit better now will easy the task of generating improvement plans to boost our growth. Like any other ‘brainstorming’ exercise, we can first think of many different alternatives, and then select the most applicable ones given circumstances (including our own characteristics and true possibilities). In business, we could find a team meeting in a comfortable room with everybody suggesting ideas, including silly ones, for filtering later on depending on logistics (budget, workforce potential, etc.).
- PROTOTYPE: concrete definition of applicable actions (that can be part of a structured program) in order to solve the problem, beat the challenge, overcome the barrier. Clear conclusive phase after strategic decision-making (convergent closure) on the initial creative alternatives (divergent beginning).
Once having ‘shaken’ the proposals set and chosen one (or few) that we consider possible, applicable, and with certain potential to make us grow and improve, we should give more specific form to the plan (structure, step-by-step development, detailed description, etc.). In business, it should be like defining strategic actions to be implemented in search of the desired results
- TEST: putting into action the plan for verifying its usefulness, or need of improvement thanks to feedback from reality. Usually, if evolution or improvement needed, the points 3. 4. and 5. recycle until best results achieved.
Reality will tell us how proper our plan was, or eventually prove it wrong, uncomplete or just modifiable/improvable. In case of this happening, we should re-start as meny times as necessary, always by activating the three last phases of the process. Like it happens, obviously, in business too.
In case of everything having worked properly, then ‘DESIGN THINKING’ has helped us grow! …what would be, again, a curious and enjoyable expansion of the initial purposes of this process. Guess both Brown and Kelly would shout a big ‘Hurra!’ to share our celebration 😊.
- I found myself sad and uncomplete at these highs of my life, so having meditated about what is causing this from deep inside me …and lazyness together with lack of resiliency/persistence appear as the main causes, together with a worrying lack of humility in occasions.
- I want to: a) Improve my organization, decision-making and time-management for higher profit of my potential; b) To be capable of keeping motivation high towards my goals and interests for much longer than now; c) To clean my soul, leaving aside bad egoes, aggressive behavior, dangerous assumptions, etc., working hard in raising my humility, patience, and inner peace.
- I think that practicing some sport of my preference and fixing progressive milestones to cope with can prove right as a ‘container’ (structure + organization) of my growth plan. In addition, to offer myself as volunteer for humanitarian causes can help me educate the bad side of my ego, and become less arrogant + more servicial (useful) to my peers.
- Veteran rugby with people of my age (or around) can prove good to train every Tuesday and Thursday + having a light, friendly match every Weekend. Gaining path and energy through this activity, it can be ‘contagious’ to other areas of my personal and professional life (crossing fingers). To visit regularly children with serious pathologies in the Hospital near my neighbourhood can directly change my (emotional and general) life a lot. I’ll ask doctors and nurses there if a weekly visit could be allowed, for how long, and what day+time.
- I can think of a 3-to-6 months period in order to make the first evaluations, to see if something changed in my character and behavior (hopefully yes, and for good) and to be highly aware in the meanwhile, in order to keep the reigns of the process to aim it towards completion. Let’s remember that we can always recycle the last three stages in necessary case to go on improving towards best possible results.
Hope you find this process as fascinating as I did for testing it as a Self-development tool 😊
‘Til the next one!
OR: WHAT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT
Time-Management is a field so demmanded nowadays by Companies, Universities or Science Centers: a matter of using better the hours and minutes of our existence, should be.
As my humble approach to reality usually rellies on Communication (‘We cannot not communicate’ Watzlawick said) then I was seriously thinking on How we Communicate with Ourselves, and how frequently, to better discover how to use our time. Logical thinking!
If we know Why we exist, and What For, will be easier to address our daily actions towards the respective concretion.
QUESTIONS, then, mean a lot in terms of Time.
‘What is my purpose in life?’ How frequently do we ask this type of key questions to our own selves? Hehe, guess less than what should be advisable. Somebody (called ‘system’ by many) seems to prefer us running towards urgencies instead of focusing on importances.
‘WHO am I really?’, and linked to this: ‘What do I count on, in order to Succeed?’ ← please consider the reply to the previous question about life-purpose as a free definition of what we’ll call Success.
Life should be, then, ‘just’ a path of Self-development that begins in our Potential (what we count on) and ends in our Concretion (the best possible ourselves).
Reality will be to us what we Perceive from it. Total certainty on this. Even though, ways of perception (feel, experience, assimilate, learn, detect, etc.) will relly on the common architecture we normally are born with: body and mind.
Our health and physicallity (body) will be definitory, then, as well as our intellectual capacities and psychological functions (mind). Our beliefs will count a lot! They’ll be deeply rooted inside us and acting behind every action we take. Spiritual side of us: an ‘eye’ kept towards superior stages that rational capacities are uncapable to cover in completion.
Until here, apparently, everything expectable. Let’s summarize:
HOW FREQUENTLY DO YOU ASK YOURSELF ABOUT THE LAST PURPOSE OF YOUR LIFE, what is expected from your existence, and why it happens?
HOW FREQUENTLY ARE YOU AWARE OF YOUR ACTIONS REALLY AIMING TOWARDS THE ACHIEVEMENT OF ‘THE BEST POSSIBLE YOURSELF’, or at least towards WHAT YOU CONSIDER ‘SUCCESS’ in Life?
Well, Life-Management is from this viewpoint so similar to Time-Management: HIGHER AWARENESS = HIGHER ACHIEVEMENT of what really matters to us.
Limited by our senses in order to perceive reality, and by our DNA + life-experiences in order to build ourselves until the end (if a true ‘end’ really happens 😊), is there something Unlimited, though, that we can enjoy?
Of course! OUR FREE DECISIONS. Culturally, historically, physically, socially conditioned, true. Still marking the difference between humans throughout our itinerary in this known existence and universe. Decisions made by Us, influencing a little part of the Universe’s path.
Linked to AWARENESS, then, DECISION-MAKING seems a key aspect. To decide is to take control (yes, relative, yes, limited, yes…) …CONTROL in the end, anyway.
Right decisions bring ourselves to the right concretion of what we want through who and how we are. Right decisions are the ‘secret’ behind Success, whatever it will be for any of us, to all of us.
‘Success is the sum of right decisions linked to productive effort towards the reallistic goals we established for ourselves’ …at home, at work, in life.
Then, if we give some eight hours of our daily life to our company (just an example), other eight to sleep and rest (idem), two more for transportation from home to work and vice-versa, some one more to take a bath and dress according to the socially acceptable standards, one more for TV & social media (yes, I know that this takes longer usually), two more for building relationship with our family or beloved ones, one more for supermarket, shopping or so, and the last one for the gym or our language classes …WHEN DO WE DISCOVER THE ESSENCE OF OUR EXISTENCE?
Let’s meditate on this and, in the meanwhile, the replies we need will be surely arriving 😊
‘Til the next one!
PHOTO: Bernardo (Sr) life-cycle, beginning by the AI baby built for intellectual success, followed by the Astronaut navigating the reality universe in search of the own planet, ending by a Robotic entity that will keep his mind alive after bio-physical termination, in order to maintain rationally linked to existence.
Ridiculous? Of course! …even if CREATIVITY is the added tag to this article, as WE CREATE OURSELVES and DESTINY through the Decisions we were speaking about, what is blessing and exciting at the same time. Only a matter of (again) being Aware of this high Responsibility and Gift altogether. Now yes ‘Bye, bye dear Living Colleagues! Wish You a fantastic CREATION OF YOURSELVES!’ B (Sr)
PACING & LEADING
…TOWARDS THE TEAM SUCCESS! 🙂
PPPL … PPL … PL … L … LL … LLL … and so on. Get it? This simplifying formula suggests a strategic path towards specific application of ‘Pacing & Leading’ from NLP, what means it has to exist a general (instead of ‘specific’) way. True:
In case of wanting to persuade somebody about something, PACING should be the first general step: after observing their ‘way of’ (mood, behavior, communication style, gestures, particularities) we begin to play a bonding game by ‘emiting in a similar wave-length’, what means in a way that will bring them to accep us as ‘one of them’.
Good to point that better combinatory style than just imitation, what can lead to uncomfortable results (they can perceive the ‘mimmics’ and react in bad way, logically). It’s about behaving, acting, communicating in similar, friendly way respect to theirs. Enough.
Second general step (LEADING) should be, once being accepted by them, to begin (slightly & slowly) to bring them towards the ‘place’ we want them to be in. Like it happens when we like & accept any person and consequently follow in docile way their smiley suggestions, let’s say: them putting their hand in our back and kindly inviting us to follow a suggested direction.
SPECIFIC PACING & LEADING TECHNIQUE APPLICATION
Since P can mean PACING and L, LEADING, the specific form of this technique considers ‘P’ the verifiable truth (existing elements, evident facts, etc.) and ‘L’ the suggestions we want to insert in our interlocutors’ mind (being or not verifiable, or proved).
Under this ‘code’ the initial formula (PPPL … PPL … PL … L … etc.) suggests to ‘hide’ our suggestions to them (L = subliminal inductions for them ‘to be where we want them to be’) dissimulated among simply verifiable facts (P = things their brain can easily, immediately as evidente ‘true’), progressively reducing the amount of Ps and raising the Ls.
If we detect that they begin to notice ‘something strange there’, we can instantly return to a P (truths) set until them turning docile to our suggestions again. Easy?
LET’S TRY WITH A HIGHER AUDIENCE!
As well as we can play the general approach of P&L with a specific person, we can play the specific approach with general public, let’s say: a demotivated Team of 30 workers that has been forgotten by the firm structure during a long time, losing their leader months ago, and finding so hard to feel motivated, showing signs of low self-confidence, etc. (e.g.).
We come to be their new leader, and arrive to our initial meeting full of good intentions about raising their self-esteem and motivation, so:
DEFINITION OF LEADS (L): will be always the initial task before definitive action with our public. In this specific case our idea is to insert a series of positive thoughts and convictions like the following ones:
‘YOU WANT TO BE THE BEST ONES’
‘YOU ARE EXTREMELY GOOD AND COMPETITIVE’
‘YOU’LL SUCCEED AND SHOW HOW STRONG YOU ARE’ …etc.
Once we define the Ls will be much easier to ‘complete the formula set’ (PPPL … PPL … etc.) with the Ps (true elements or facts), as we usually find this info around in the near environment.
DEFINITION OF PACING elements (P): as previously said, we can use in real-time the information around, from the room and public in the example we’re working with. For instance:
THE ROOM IS SQUARED, BIG, PAINTED IN WHITE, WITH SEVERAL WINDOWS, FURNISHED WITH WOOD TABLES AND CHAIRS, WITH TEMPERATURE AUTOMATICALLY KEPT WARM (75 ºF), CONTAINING A ROOF-ATTACHED PROJECTOR, A GIANT WHITE SCREEN, A COFFEE MACHINE, SOME FLIPCHART BOARD, ETC.
CONSTRUCTION OF THE P&L MESSAGE:
Just to start with the first part of the suggested formula (PPPL … PPL … P/ etc.) let’s think of something like this:
NICE TO BE HERE TODAY (P) ALL OF US (P), PROFESSIONAL WOMEN AND MEN (P) WANTING TO BE THE BEST ONES (L) INTO THIS GIANT WHITE ROOM (P) FULL OF NICE EQUIPMENT (P)… ‘
The true power of the hidden Ls rely on them accessing directly the subconscious perception of our interlocutors, beginning to ‘push’ from there in the direction we’ve chosen in advance. Only if we do it well, because:
IT’S THE ‘HOW’!
True, again. Great master Marshall McLuhan has taught us to highlight as much as possible the interpretation of our pitch, script, formula.
A formula (PPPL … PPL … PL …) is just this: the ‘WHAT’.
Our success will come, instead, from our solid, proper, confident, effective ‘HOW’.
How to pay attention to the ‘HOW’? It’s about our ability (in this specific case and example) for emitting our message to the 30 members of the public in enough emphatic way with a proper rhythm and speed that will make them perceive (accept) the whole message, Ls included, in homogeneous, integrated way.
As it happens when (another example) a gate-keeper in a discotheque suddenly receives a group of 10 enthusiastic youngsters that enter in a rush showing their tickets in their hands (up) …only that one from them didn’t have the ticket. Was just playing the mimmics of the hand up, in the middle of 9 other hands that had the necessary passes in order.
PACING & LEADING (specific form) works usually same way. In the first example case, the room description in different quotes were Ps, while the suggestion of them ‘wanting to be the best ones’ was the hidden L.
Nice to remember that this kind of subliminal techniques for subtle persuasion should be only used for interlocutors’ benefit in the most ethics way (needless to remember this?).
Now, if interested, it’s time to practice with any scenario of your interest, until mastering the technique, or differently said: until feeling that our ‘HOW’ is good enough to transmit the key ‘WHAT’ in solid, effective way.
‘Til the Next one!
THE ‘BEST ME’
HOW TO RAISE SELF·CONFIDENCE WHILE IMPROVING OUR ACTIONS AND BEHAVIOR
How frequently we think of our life-gap? (life-gap = difference between our true potential and its concretion).
A healthy, simple exercise of application to ourselves in order to grow more, advance better + quicker and (mainly) prove much more useful to mankind is the following one:
DEFINITION OF ‘BEST ME’
Begins by imagining (as realistically as possible) how is the ‘inner being’ we have as an image of the maximum we could be in life.
INSTINCTS: how much+well can this Best Me control instinctive reactions in order to manage them only for good purposes like e.g. preserve life (own one and others’)? The hardest side of us to control, perhaps, it is nevertheless a bit easier to our ‘Best Me’, this fantastic expression of what we could be if crystallizing into reality our huge potential.
EMOTIONS: how much+well can this Best Me channel emotional power in order to feel good, make others feel good, and always attract from a positive emotional state (the ones around happiness like e.g. humor, optimism, friendliness, warmth, smile, laugh, etc. are so advisable)?
RATIONALITY: how much+well can this Best Me use its intellectual capacity to always find the best solution for own (and others’) needs? How frequently does this marvelous being practice the different brain functions in order to grow all own types of intelligence for keeping ready for the next conceptual challenge?
SPIRIT: how much+well does this Best Me ask Self about key onthologic questions like e.g. the sense of own life, in order to reply them the most constructive way, always aiming towards own and others’ realization and accomplishment?
PHYSICS: how much+well does this Best Me keep body full potential trained and ready to offer the best despite the hardness of next physical challenge? Like the integration we are (body+mind+spirit+etc.), it comes to a huge evidence the convenience of keeping our physical capacities as much at their pick as possible, what at its turn will positively affect the other areas.
The thing follows by comparing our current reality in the previous fields to the ideal-image we’ve found on them thanks to the responsible, meditated exercise of giving form to our true highest potential. This will be surely discovering some gaps.
THE PENTATHLON TOWARDS THE ‘BEST ME’
And the five challenges will clearly be defined in consequence:
Challenge 1: INSTINCT
Let’s work on reducing the impact of spontaneous aggressive reactions (bad moods, insults, rough behavior, etc.) that normally happen in a blink of an eye because of coming from our deepest reptilian dimension, that needs to act in a flash to keep our life going on. The point is we are no longer in the evolving times in which these reactions were built to our survival, and their impact in the current civilized world can be so negative to your success purposes.
Challenge 2: EMOTIONS
Let’s work on identifying and controlling the emotional reactions that spoil our relationship with the environment and peer, as well as identifying + boostering the positive emotions that contribute to our advancement, while acting as an attractive magneto on others (who always prefer a smile to approach than a menacing gesture from which to take distance).
Challenge 3: RATIONALITY
Let’s work on challenging our brain potential as much and frequently as possible in order to keep it working well oiled and ready for success. Any type of intellectual task with inherent needs of solution from our part can serve and prove useful. Including a nice chess-match 😊
Challenge 4: SPIRIT
Let’s work on maximizing this ‘hidden dimension’ by raising our approach to ethics and goodness while remembering as frequently as possible about our values, beliefs, and last reason to exist and live. Dignity will come as a growing result, raising levels of inner happiness and wellbeing that (by natural consequence) we’ll transmit to the universe around, including our peers.
Challenge 5: PHYSICS
Let’s work on being as ‘in shape’ as possible, keeping active and healthy our marvelous body functions (cardiac, muscular, neurologic, inmunologic, etc.) taking advantage of their usual choral way of integration in multiple benefits that reach the psychological side of course: the stronger we physically feel, the more secure and capable we’ll feel as social beings.
‘BEST ME’ BONUS TRACK
The solid image we have build on this ideal of concretion of our true potential (‘Best Me’) can be easily, instantly evoked whenever we face any kind of challenge or situation to solve in normal, current life. Better yet if we choose some (3-to-5) key words to generically define this ‘character’, as e.g.: ‘CALM, GOOD, WISE, PEACEFUL, STRONG’, and repeat the series until getting it in our memory.
We can then just ask ‘How would the Best Me act in this circumstance?’, and the immediate reply will help us choosing a better path or action than the simple result of wild instincts, bad emotions, low-reasoned decisions, empty perspectives of approach, or weak behavior.
LET’S USE ‘BEST ME’ IMAGE AS AN INSTANT BOOSTER TO OUR ALWAYS BEST POSSIBLE ACTION, REACTION, AND DECISION-MAKING!
‘Til the next one…
THE POWER OF PERCEPTION
…AND HOW TO WORK ON IT TO BUILD REALITY
‘The field does not exist …only the maps’ is a typical NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) saying that works around the idea of us building our own concept about reality. ‘Reality does not exist …only our perceptions’ could be an effective paraphrasing.
Being humans the only ones capable of ‘meta-cognition’ as the capacity to think about our thoughts, the hidden power of modifying the perceptive ones is there, together with its immense consequences in terms of ‘building reality’ to ourselves.
Speaking about Stress-relief (i.e.) we could quote Brandon Burchard and his well known ‘- We create Stress in our minds, it doesn’t exist in reality’.
Another trending-topic, now in psychotherapy, is ‘- The only one deciding how much affected you’ll be by others’ bad attitude or aggressive messages …is You’.
And the most famous one is the metaphoric half-full/half-empty glass, deserving to top the podium of ways to remember about the power of our perception, so frequently linked to the one of our decision-making.
Dr. Maxwell Maltz (Psychocybernetics, 1950) spoke about the ‘Self-image’ as a kind of inner ‘software’ based on our own image of ourselves, that will seriously influence our external behavior and connection to the rest of the universe, the following way (as an example):
If I’m convinced of being a very bad trainer (e.g.), I’ll enter the training-room by feeling fearful, insecure, and hesitating even in how to say ‘Hello’ to people there, who will seem true devils or monsters to me. I’ll perceive the whole thing as menacing and terrible, shaping this way reality for the next hours.
If instead I think of myself as the ‘number one’ in a training room, my actions and way of opening up the experience there will dramatically change. Most probably, my huge Self-confident emitted image will inspire attendees there to like and believe me. Perception = Reality.
A contemporary Egiptian phylosopher and engineer (Mo Gawdat) explains even Happiness through a formula that relates to the previous one:
Happiness = Perception of Reality / Expectations from Reality (in mathematical terms the result of the division will be High Happiness if the divisor -Expectations- is lower than what we perceive -Reality- and the other way around if ‘vice-versa’).
Famous ‘Pigmalion Effect’ (or Self-accomplished Prophecy, or Rosenthal Experience, etc.) explain how this mental process (a subconscious bias, in reality) about expectations from me or others in the near, or mid future, condition in the end this future:
If I deeply ‘know’ that the next exams will be ‘too much for me’, even if having enough time to prepare them, my attitude and actions alongside this previous time will prejudice so probably the final result, as I’ll be studing more ‘forced’ than convinced, lacking mínimum motivation to add positive spirit and energy to the whole process. I’ll probably fail the exams, thus ‘confirming that I was right from the beginning’ 😊 (or, better, ☹).
Current Perception → Future Reality, should the consequent ‘formula’ be. As powerful as to condition also relationships: if by first-impression effect ‘I Know’ that this new person in the office will be difficult to work with (‘too different from me, evidently arrogant and Self-paid’, etc.), my way of interrelating to them will be shaped (conditioned) in consequence: of course we’ll be far from becoming good friends, at least in the beginning.
Healthy distance from reality in order to take Perspective can prove fantastic to approach this same reality later on from more accurate, constructive lenses.
A matter of mind-set (‘we are what we think’), seriously linked to the type of existence we’ll bring forward in this world: ‘we live in the reality we create’.
Do we deserve this lot of power? Are we (or will be) at the necessary highs?
Life happens, it’s true, including the birth of my sons or the death of my parents. ‘Ying’ and ‘yang’ (balance). It’ll depend on HOW we manage the respective experiences the consequent effects on HOW we feel in this called ‘life’.
Deep Reflection + Calm Acceptance + Wise Learning + Solid Values, Beliefs, and Life-Purposes to keep following can prove helpful in order to suffer and enjoy only the necessary, always ready to move forward the best possible way in order to guard integrity, and to contribute from our best to society (to our peers).
I was so sad, and almost destroyed once, short after having lost a job I was really liking. Feeling down, blaming myself for misusing a marvelous opportunity of doing something I liked for more time, holding grudges against some former co-workers (mainly ‘authorities’) …a black hole that was swallowing all of my happiness, in other words.
At some moment, though, I stopped self-deprecating, self-compassioning, blaming others, etc., and begun to look at the thing more Einstein way (‘time of crisis, time of opportunity’), finding clearly that I should learn from the experience that was offering to me an opportunity to improve, and to grow, feeling that important things (breathing, loving and being loved, having future in front of me) were intact, still there.
I decided to stop claiming and begin acting (looking for my next professional steps) while wanting to shut the previous cycle through thankfulness expressed to the ones I was considering short ago as ‘guilty’ ones for my situation. And forgiving myself because of mistakes being part of evolution (even in science the mistake is welcome sometimes as a way to discover the ‘right way’ 🙂
Perception = Reality, and my Reality was happening in accordance after my change of mind/attitude (I immediately found a better job that made me feel accomplished, realized, and happy).
‘Til the Next one!
Every second of our life having gone away never comes back. At least not from our linear perception of time, what means: it can be invested or lost. Like higher portions of our lives, like life itself in the end!
Let’s use such a valuable gift (time) the best possible way in order to achieve success in our existence. Good thing about this is: we can freely choose what ‘success’ will mean to ourselves at every moment, and as a final goal to achieve.
In other articles (‘MotivACTion’, i.e.) we spoke about the fantastic benefits of taking action, in order to move forward and to grow.
If we feel bad, we can choose to claim, to feel pity about ourselves …or to ACT for changing towards a better situation, suiting what we want.
The thing remains always more the ‘how’ than the ‘what’, mainly after having identified the ‘what’ as Need of Action (i.e.), so:
ADAPTION to circumstances and true potential/possibilities should be a necessary first step. ‘What do I count on’ compared to ‘What do I want to achieve’.
The gap will paint necessary action to be taken: if possible (let’s say me weighting 84 kilos and wanting to be in 77 in six months) then …What am I waiting to begin to ACT (diet, exercise, etc.) right now?
If impossible (let’s say: me aged 58 and wanting to run faster than Usain Bolt to break his world speed record in 100 mts.) well, perhaps I should ADAPT a little bit the thing to my realistic possibilities.
CONTROL of good part of our existence usually comes together with action. A student suffers with the perspective of the comming so-difficult exams only until designing a schedule with necessary study hours, consultation to fellows or experts in the matter to be evaluated, etc.
While opening the first page of the first book (taking ACTion) an embryonic sensation of Control will begin to appear, reducing the worries and bringing hope.
TIME, as we commented in the beginning, is that valuable as to take it seriously in order to use it the wiser way. When we ACT towards the achievement of our goals, this action acts (game of words 🙂 as kind of a ‘timer’, bringing the goal closer.
If we delay respective decision (lazyness, doubtful attitude, fears or insecurity, too much evaluation, etc.) well, the clock will become a dangerous enemy with impossible deadlines to cope with because of our in-ACTion.
So, let’s reflect on how successful people achieved success, and so probably we’ll find in the formula, at least:
Maximization of their true potential (talents, capacities, resources, health state, types of intelligence, etc.) in order to achieve their highest possible goals (ADAPTION);
Proggressive dominion of the different steps in the path towards success (CONTROL) while being capable of Controlling Self at the same time (resiliency, consistency, coherence of actions, etc.).
Intelligent use of the available TIME for achieving as much/better goals as possible in the time-lapse they count on. Like in a football match, where you’ll have more possibilities while attempting several times to score a goal instead of just waiting …exactly the same in life!
Proper, strategic selection of the best moment is of course acceptable and even advisable. The other thing (just delaying) is technically named as ‘procrastination’ and only make us lose Time.
‘Am I a loser or a winner?’ If wanting the second thing, I have to ACT.
‘Til the next one!
FLEXIFIRMNESS (Enough Flexible, Enough Firm) About Life-Strategies for Success
Openness is key factor in human Connection→ key factor, at its turn, for Synergic success thanks to constructive co-existence with our peers.
Flexibility (a natural ‘fellow’ of Openness) helps to better Adaption to reality, what in terms of Charles Darwin makes us a superior species on Earth. NLP confirms this point by stating that + Flexible people is called to be + Successful.
Like Bamboo, Flexibility helps preserve ourselves whole and healthy, and a recent survey made in Japan (Bamboo-land, precisely) to people aged over 100 demostrated that one from their long-life secrets is Acceptance (a usual consequence of Flexibility): they accept what life presents to them without playing the rebel. Then, of course, they’ll be doing their best to play the game (of life) with the cards they have received.
A matter of strategy, and wisdom.
Openness helps us Grow, idea that Joan Garriga supports by his definition of Personal Growth (‘Less ME and More YOU’). Projection towards similar (Empathy, if you prefer) comes from our open will of ‘landing’ there, to be in their shoes (Empathy again, from its popular definition), what in the end brings fantastic Benefits for the empathetic one→ If you know them better, you can persuade them better.
A matter of strategy, and emotinal intelligence.
If thanks to Flexibility we can Live more and Persuade better the other human beings …What are we waiting to be MORE FLEXIBLE?
Self-affirmation seems to be key factor for keeping Self-confidence high enough to support our fight for survival and success (same thing sometimes 🙂
Then, instead of opening, we’ll keep closed around our vision, conviction, perception, own universe. ‘Me, me, mine…’, like the Beatles’ song?
Even the physical gesture of ‘expanding towards the others’ demonstrate how we Grow in the meanwhile, as well as the one of ‘concentrating into myself’ well …the other thing around.
Bamboo metaphor should work by clearly stating that Flexibility can perfectly work together with Firmness, and prove helpful to the latter indeed.
If our core, essential Values, Beliefs, and Convictions are strong enough, they’ll keep intact working from the inside in favor of our genuine, solid, honest path of evolution in life.
Even though: neurosciences are just the last field to prove right the evidence of us human beings needing Connection(s) to Grow, Evolve, and Succeed.
So, from our deepest Values and Beliefs, we can always have Respectful and Open approaches to our similar in order to look for ‘what we have in common’ (to strengthen respective paths through Partnership and Collaboration) while at the same time the identification of differences is necessary too (to keep Independence, to remember about our Uniqueness, etc.).
If in the balance we discover more Similitude than Difference, Flexible and Synergic Association.
If the other thing around (more Difference than Similitude) we can Respectfully get separated until the next time.
FLEXIBLE + FIRM (‘FLEXIFIRMNESS’ 😊)
Chewing Gum looses form easily. Stone can’t change. We need to keep the form of our personality and core values (to maintain identity among other needs) and to permanently change for growing and evolving ourselves. Let’s Negotiate?
Well, the best negotiators that I know always have their Goals clear (like ourselves our Values and Beliefs), and can go towards them with the highest imaginable Flexibility alongside the fruitful process of Connection to other parties for the desirable ‘Win-Win’.
‘Win’ for Firm attachement to own convictions, principles and life-goals to achieve…
‘Win’ for Flexible adaption to what reality presents as field to play our strategies…
A matter of ‘Flexifirmness’!
‘Til the next one!
ICE (Instant Creative Experience) Against Insecurity
Insecure people usually lives in a world of perceptions that confirm their conviction: they are ‘not that much’, less than others, unable to share at the same level the external world with people that knows how to do it better.
So: internal shelter (introspection), to keep feeding up the same painful Self-vision (for some reason, they’re ‘not good enough’).
Depending on the scope of this negative Self-consideration, normally supported by huge subconscious contributions, the affected person will feel more or less handicapped respect to others, going from some sporadic bad feeling or sensation of inferiority to a vast pattern of behavior that represents how much ‘they know’ they’re inferior and not good enough.
Every time that this pernicious Self-perception conditions the person’s behavior (decisions, way of interacion with environment, etc.) is limiting their capacity for concretion of their potential.
A cheetah convinced of being a turtle will hardly move faster than a turtle. The power of human’s mind can act in both senses, what normally pushes towards success …or the other thing.
Taking from NLP the ‘modelling’ idea, if we have a ‘model’ (idol, referent, etc.), being it a person, character, or idealization of values (just to say something), will surely be easy to FEEL WE ARE this model whenever we want or need, in order to cope with something that our ‘usual, diminished ourselves’ can’t.
Our neuronal mirror-tissue will instantly activate plenty of inner sources which contribution will follow the ‘model’ that is inspiring ourselves in this moment, depending the final result of the overall process on how vividly we FEEL this model.
The stronger the interiorization of this referent’s effects on ourselves, the better in terms of instant success on whatever we are wanting to achieve.
Normally, short-term goals (like feeling less nervous or ashamed while meeting that person that means a lot to us, or scares us) are better achieved through this technique that long-term ones, to which we need a deeper, well organized strategy that can rely on ’21 days visualization’ (i.e.) or similar, taking advantage of more long-lasting processes of functionning of our mind and brain.
Ideally, we should be serious and constant enough to appeal to comprehensive coping strategies like the latter ones in the previous paragraph. Better a definitive solution than a patch.
Even though, as well as for a serious chirurgic intervention the recovery time is usually longer, but to relieve the pain and damage of a hard hit we just apply ice (and it’s enough)…
…let’s try with ICE technique for our smaller, urgent needs of feeling ‘at the necessary high’.
Short Advice for ICE Application:
- Know your Goal.
- Choose your Model.
- FEEL you are this Model as intensely as possible (always as shortly before the ‘Goal momment’ as you can, and trying for this feelilng to last alongside the key experience time).
- Enjoy your improved results 😊
INSTANT: you can appeal to it at any moment of the day, upon need, almost immediately.
CREATIVE: freedom of choice on the ‘model’ to follow, coming from your will and decision.
EXPERIENCE: the emotional state coming from the need is an ideal channel itself to ‘feel’ (interiorize).
The powerful combination of ‘Action+Confidence’ is key factor for almost all types of human successes, so let’s hope this ‘tiny formula’ helps on this.
‘Til the next one!
WHAT IS YOUR POTION?
(FROM POTENTIAL TO CONCRETION)
‘These Romans are crazy!’ said Obelix (Goscinny’s genial character) while struggling in understanding intercultural differences. It’s even logical, from certain point of view.
What needs a more careful approach should be, instead, the lack of understanding (because of lack of knowledge) of our own Self …and is one of the most frequent cases!
We are born with a high potential, and the only thing we should do to profit it in life is achieving concretion. Sounds simple. All of us know that reality is way different, though.
‘Know yourself’ is a wise advice from millenia ago, and a way of interpretation of it should be: need of essential introspection in order to discover all of our talents, resources, types of intelligence, etc. We need to know (i.e.) how much money we have before going to the supermarket.
‘Drive yourself towards your Goal’ could be a perfect completion for the previous idea: need of establishing, identifying, discovering, etc. …our ‘lait motiv’ for living reality until the end. We want to buy this fantastic product that the supermarket announces through diverse mass media channels.
After knowing about our potential, and having clarified the goal to achieve, we just need to go for it! If it’s a proper goal, we’ll perspirate, use our talents, resources, intelligences, will, to finally concrete the achievement. If the goal was too high for us, we’ll sgruggle and feel depressed, and if it’s too easy, we’ll feel deceived in many ways. Is my money enough for this super-product in the supermarket?
Andy Bounds, great ‘guru’ of Sales, always begins his training sessions by asking people there to raise hands if they believe they are so good (many hands up, normally) …then asks if they have achieved all of what anybody else with similar potential would have achieved (big majority of hands down). This is usually the story of our lives.
It’s so difficult just the fact of ‘knowing ourselves’ to the highest extent of the thing, and then an added difficulty (perhaps higher) to know what to do with this full potential: how to concrete. The establishment of a proper goal is crucial. And first step towards final success. A typical NLP question is ‘If you don’t know where are you going, how will you know that you have arrived?’ Pure logics. Unnoticed by many humans…
Sometimes we find weakneses (-) together with strengths (+) when searching our true potential …Great! The recipe speaks about overcoming inner barriers (limiting beliefs like ‘I can’t’ are the worst ones) at the same time we boost our talents forward.
Of course after having ‘calibrated’ ourselves properly, common sense + ambition will help us fix a goal, while persistence, creativity, real-time awareness and intelligent strategy will guide the necessary steps towards the happy ending …good news being we’re always evolving beings, what means we can grow better and higher in the process, thus upgrading (if we want) the achievement to concrete.
Anyway, everything begins by the key question, Obelix style: what is our potion?
Happy reply! …and ‘til the next one 😊
(STOP SMOKING & OTHER LINKED POSSIBILITIES)
Rarely a Coach will access physically the patient’s brain, scalpel at the ready, like a medical Quixote against the mills of traumas or pathologies.
Even though, deep knowledge about how this brain functions will always prove hugely useful to therapeutic purposes, as i.e. working for a person to leave tobacco.
Example: THE PENFIELD HOMMOCULUS and SMOKERS
The neurosurgeon Wilder Penfield investigated the sensory and motor cortex of the brain in the ’50s, building a strange doll (two, in reality: one sensory and the other motor) whose anatomical parts differ enormously in size with respect to the physical anatomy of a person, since in the case of the ‘homunculus’ (that’s how he baptized them) the sizes are directly proportional to the amount of cerebral cortex dedicated to each part of the body.
Thus, being the speech and manipulation of objects of great importance to our brain, the proportion of cortex dedicated to the mouth, tongue and hands is greater than that connected to other parts, which generates something like this:
This particularity (the pre-eminence of cortical connections dedicated to mouth and hand) makes it so difficult, for example, to help someone (through Coaching) to quit smoking, in which precisely the two motor areas of greater dimension are involved.
This is taken into account by (i.e.) Wingwave Coaching© to set the strategy to be followed in a process of distancing from this addiction, which is a fair example of the ‘partnership’ between Neuroscience and Coaching.
WHAT IS NEUROCOACHING?
According to Paul Brown, president of the European Association of Applied Neuroscience (cited by María del Rocío Rey), the brain is a system of energy from eight emotions (fear, anger, disgust, sadness, relationships of survival, surprise, joy and love ), being Coaching the process of managing that energy as it creates new paths and develops them.
He points out that NeuroCoaching can achieve ego and behavioral changes, and that its four basic principles are:
● All the neurological systems of human beings are similar.
● If someone can achieve something successfully, another individual who uses the same strategies and patterns can also achieve it.
● The unconscious is responsible for the standard of living of the people and manages 95% of the operating patterns.
● By stimulating the brain, as well as stimulating the body, through exercise, we can help it function more efficiently.
Thrilling! And to think that all this was born with the invention of the microscope 🙂
So didactic, then, to do the ‘reverse trip’ to see ourselves first as individuals, formed by systems (i.e. the nervous), formed by organs (i.e. the brain), formed by tissues (i.e. the cortex), formed these by cells (ex: neurons), formed these by molecules that in turn are built by atoms whose infinite interior would give for several pages …
… and the secret is still to CONNECT, or in our case to ‘neuro-connect’ from ‘neuro-communication’ 🙂 Does it exist?
NEUROCOMMUNICATION: ability to transfer the subconscious plane from the communication to the conscious one, to identify the effects of our behavior, appearance, etc., in an interaction, in order to make it more successful (persuasive) and less vulnerable (from elneuromarketing.com ).
NEURO·ADVICE FOR COACHES
All of us coaches can follow some action lines based on the recent, so useful research in human neurology, as well as educators can adapt this crucial information to training, and leaders to lead, and so on…
● Emotions play a huge role in relevant experiences through brain processes:
LET’S WORK FROM THE BEGINNING IN ORDER TO MAKE THE COACHEE FEEL WELL AND AT EASY, GOING THEN FORWARD WITH POSITIVE, MOTIVATING EMOTIONS THAT WILL GRAB DEEPER EVERY ACHIEVEMENT ALONSIDE THE THERAPEUTIC SESSION.
● Our brain areas are normally interconnected for every activity:
LET’S INTEGRATE STRATEGIES DURING THE COACHING EXPERIENCE, IN ORDER TO ACTIVATE DIVERSITY OF INNER, INTERCONNECTED, REPLIES FROM THE PATIENT.
● Every side of the brain structure and functional areas (reptilian, limbic, neocortex) play key roles in human beings’ mental and emotional life:
LET’S STIMULATE OUR COACHEES’ BRAIN CAPACITIES IN VARIED WAY, ADAPTED TO SPECIFIC NEEDS (RATIONAL LEARNING, EMOTIONAL CHANGES, ETC., WORK AT DIFFERENT LEVELS INSIDE THE BRAIN, WHAT CAN BE PROFITED BY STIMULATING THESE AREAS IN SPECIFIC WAY).
● Social approval is key to survival, and the brain fixes more and better the respective achievements:
HENCE BEING GOOD TO WORK ON THE PATIENT’S SELF SECURITY AND ESTEEM TO START AFTERWARDS WITH STRONGER POTENTIAL FOR INTERACTION WITH THEIR PEERS.
● Collaborative tasks leave usually a higher positive mark in terms of improvement, and evolution:
LET’S REMEMBER, WHILE COACHING TEAMS (INSTEAD OF INDIVIDUALS) ABOUT THIS KEY OPPORTUNITY TO ORGANIZE THE EXPERIENCE IN INTEGRATIVE, TRANSVERSAL, COMPLEMENTARY WAY, FOR EVERY COACHEE TO FEEL IMPORTANT AS BRINGING A PART OF THE OVERALL RESPONSIBILITY FOR SUCCESS.
● Neuroplasticity allows, among other impressive effects, to connect behavioral and cognitive areas to solve specific needs:
A PERSON WITH LACK OF CONCENTRATION PROBLEMS CAN TRY (i.e.) WITH PSYCHO-MOTOR SIMPLE TASKS AS SLOWLY DRAWING A SPIRAL FROM OUTSIDE TO INSIDE WHILE FIXING VISUAL ATTENTION IN THE CENTER TO BE REACHED IN THE END OF THE DRAWING TASK (to be repeated and concentration levels tested afterwards as much as necessary).
● Conscious, subconscious, and unconscious dimensions are normally linked to different brain functions/ areas (Paul McLean):
LET’S CONSIDER DIFFERENT THERAPEUTIC OPTIONS (WHEN NECESSARY) IN ORDER TO WORK WITH THE SPECIFIC REQUIRED DIMENSION (i.e. DEEP HYPNOSIS OR WINGWAVE© CAN AIM TO DIFFERENT AREAS RESPECT TO GESTALT, OR CONSTELLATIVE APPROACH).
● Neurosciences are in permanent development, what means on one hand that lot of useful stuff is still to be discovered and, on the other hand, that every achievement from this field applicable to Coaching should be carefully checked and its effects proven before using them with our Coachees:
LET’S GET RESPONSIBLY INVOLVED IN NEUROSCIENCES ACHIEVEMENTS, DISCOVERIES AND CONTRIBUTIONS TO A DEEP LEVEL BEFORE CONSIDERING ANY LINK TO THE PROFESSIONAL COACHING TASK, WHAT WOULD HAPPEN ONLY AFTER THE NECESSARY ‘SECURITY’ PERIOD OF TRIAL AND VERIFICATION OF PROVEN, SOLID BENEFICIAL EFFECTS IN A THERAPEUTIC SESSION.
‘Till the next one!
ORGANIZATIONAL COACHING MANAGEMENT
(AND WHY IT COUNTS MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE, INCLUDING TRAINING)
Let’s begin by Victor Küppers’ simple formula for success in sales: (K+s)xA …that’s it!
A bit better developed: (Knowledge + skills) x Attitude, and we begin to get the picture with full sense coming from three complementary areas to put attention to: Training (K), Mentoring (s), and Coaching (A).
If somebody in our organization (an employee, a group of them, a Team, a Project…) needs support on Knowledge, then Training comes into action: we need to provide more, or renewed knowledge in order for our people to learn, or to update.
The thing is that, curiously, in lot of occasions where we find underperforming situations, the ‘automatic’ first choice to solve bad results is Training. ‘Why?’ we should ask.
The reasons for bad results can come from varied sources, and only lack of knowledge, or an inferior or outdated dose of it could justify Training as the ‘cure’.
In lot of cases the situation is way different, and we need to jump towards other possibilities as direct/ indirect causes: how well-developed are the skills my employees have (to cope with the trained stuff in real-life situation)? Are they ready to put everything into action in impeccable way?
Going deeper: how motivated do they feel to even think of doing things the best possible way with both their knowledge and skills? Are they ‘enough happy’ and Self-secure?
If a person in our organization needs support with the necessary abilities to make knowledge profitable in practical application at work …they need Mentoring, not Training (as they have already run through it, by means of the respective training sessions).
Is better, then, to shadow these persons, to sit together and give real-time support in practical things happening during their performance. Afterwards, ‘practice on this practice’ will grant every time more solid work and results.
Now the real beast appears: even if we count on an extremely knowledgeable employee that has enormous talents and skills after a long while practicing them at their peak, how can this person succeed anyway if hating their job, or feeling demotivated or frustrated at it?
None of the abilities neither the high knowledge will be useful in this occasion: they need Coaching.
Coming back to the initial formula we detect Attitude being the multiplier, thus, the most important side of the whole thing. And attitude, together with motivation (another magical word in business) is precisely what Coaching takes care about.
It’s pretty clear that, being the multiplier, what Coaching covers affects the rest of the formula, let’s say: the overall successful performance.
COACHING AND PERFORMANCE
Let’s follow with Timothy Gallwey’s formula for performance now: P=p–i …that’s it!
More in detail: Performance = potential – interferences, and we begin to get again a clearer picture showing us what happens with human beings’ pros (in this case potential as a mix of intelligence, talents, skills, knowledge, ect.) and cons (interferences as a mix of fear, insecurity, limiting beliefs, over-analysis from extreme perfectionism, assumptions, etc.).
Would like to highlight how the pros can be boosted to their peak (or so) by Training, and how in the case of the cons Coaching is the right choice to reduce them to the minimum possible expression.
Training and Coaching are, thus, complementary areas to be developed and permanently cared inside any professional organization wanting to achieve full success.
Gallwey, the modern father of personal Coaching (afterwards followed by his pupil John Whitmore on business Coaching) was always so aware about this ‘inner game’ played inside every human being, also at work.
‘The Inner Game’ was in fact his first book on Coaching, in the 70’s, that showed the other, introspective side of a sportsman, besides the external things like the opponent, the field, the tactics, etc. ‘- What about my own inner barriers, Self-doubts, and so?’ he should have asked to himself lot of times.
At work, in modern professional organizations, this ‘inner game’ can be threatened frequently by multiple factors, as i.e. demotivation (if low or no recognition to people achievements, i.e.), frustration (if high limitations to develop Self, to grow…), over-stress and huge anxiety (if too much pressure without necessary reliefs), fear (if sudden changes appear, in management, organization, etc.), bad attitudes and behavior (if conflictive environment due to poor leadership, critic fluctuations in the market, etc.) …and so on.
Far from ‘miracles’ what Coaching can do is to re-direct attitudes and the general way in which external factors and stimuli affect people’s perception and reaction. What means a lot.
Back to the pros, when Sir John Whitmore made a survey on ‘how much of their potential people was using at work’ the stunning result was an overall average of 40 per cent. ‘What can we do with the resting 60?’ many organizations can be asking.
Again, even if Training can boost potential, Coaching (that covers, here too, the whole formula) is key factor to work on motivation, from which (in turn) a raise in the use + profit of people’s inner talents/ resources can be activated.
Interesting tool regarding performance (that we can peer to success in many occasions) is the traditional KASH model, acronym standing for Knowledge, Attitude, Skills, and Habits.
From the varied sources mentioning it, I like Stephen Neale’s one while mentioning how companies and organizations normally invest in Training, that cares only about ‘half’ of the KASH quadrant (Knowledge and Skills). Coaching is about ‘the other half’.
IN THE KITCHEN OF COACHING…
How is contemporary organizational Coaching being cooked? Following the culinary analogy we could say: too simmered.
Many big companies are not even being aware of the huge importance of Coaching inside their success structure, and are still investing 100% of their effort in the ‘god’ Training, waiting for it to solve everything at any circumstance.
‘- This people is extremely demotivated for bad results and lack of proper leadership, and in addition half of the Team is sick with high-stress effects, besides the overall evidence of fear respect to structural changes in the company’s near future, so …let’s send them to Training!’
Can you imagine? More over: can you imagine the results afterwards?
Many other companies do perceive the ever-growing need of caring this key side of their people (attitude + motivation + linked etceteras) in order to expect the best from them, what could prove extremely useful if well directed towards intelligent, always realistic goals to be achieved.
They sometimes find problems, anyway, on how to structure respective support: how to mount a system which mechanisms will be effective to boost attitude + motivation at any circumstance all of the time.
First choice should be to seriously bet on this from deep inside the company core philosophy and values, what is usually transmitted to the company culture that nurtures everyday reality for all of the organization members.
Positivity, high Respect towards the person + professional, permanently opened channels of interaction (double-way communication!), growth opportunities, flexible recognition and compensation politics, and many other factors do a lot in terms of improving the work environment (best way of granting motivation, i.e.).
From the practical point of view, a Coaching department or Team with equal (at least) dimension and scope respect to the Training ones (probably existing since before) could be a nice idea if wanting to adapt to modern competitive times.
Inside the overall structure, Coaching people should be as in contact with the Leadership stage as the Training one, and of course both Training and Coaching should work well coordinated to grant best results. Respect to the usual mechanics of functioning, it will always depend on demand/needs, being Coaching useful both in individual and Team frames, able to cope with requirements for a person or many of them with identical potential for success.
In small companies or organizations, the Coaching side of reality should take the form that inner structure allows (beginning always by awareness about attitude and motivation as pillars for their success).
Once integrated in the ‘company formula’, Coaching becomes a usual ingredient in it, and everybody raises respective awareness + consideration: the leader remembers about their Coaching side (giving support to their people, motivating them, handling eventual insecurities or fears in the Team, etc.), and the staff begins to count on this as necessary for their well being and growth too, better accepting Coaching sessions or programs, and taking more respective profit.
Professional Coaches are of course the cornerstone of the system, and they normally manage high knowledge and preparation from variety of sources (psychological, social, and professional/business ones mainly) for variety of companies and organizations’ needs.
That’s it! 🙂 ‘Till the next one…
‘LOVE AND DO WHAT YOU WANT’
(…FOR INSTANCE, COACHING)
Originally attributed to Saint Augustine, the quote synthesizes the spirit of the best Coaching.
It’s about dignity (you Coach for the others’ one, and yours), it’s about responsibility (the one we always take for our beloved beings), it’s about freedom and confidence (to feel secure about our high intentions give us trust to go forward in plain, unlimited way), it’s about the other one, always (what makes me remember another fantastic quote also applicable here: ‘who does not live to serve does not deserve to live’ 🙂).
Lot of newcoming Coaches tell me about their fear, worry, or insecurity towards the possibility of ‘failing’ (in their words: the Coachee doing worse after the Coaching session, or period).
As they know well, this is just an emotion, coming from their best will of proving useful to their patients. Nice original cause, wrong process of it (as it can erode part of our Self-confidence, so much needed to provide useful company to them, precisely).
Knowledge, preparation, and practice always count, for sure. Even though, it’s about accompanying the other one in their growth process, what means they have always the highest responsibility (from their complete freedom) in taking the reigns of this ‘travel’ towards the best possible themselves.
Let’s always grant them this starring role, and keep ourselves there to prove accessible and orientating them if necessary (in prudent, tactful, humble way) letting them always take the key decisions. In other words: let’s keep our ego aside! It’s not about us, it’s about them.
And, as Fritz Perls said once: this about ‘helping’ can prove aggressive, as we can prevent the other one from taking control of their own situation.
Of course we’ll like ‘to know much more, and to be much more experienced’ …this comes throughout the way forward, and it’s about our responsibility for getting every day as well prepared as we can. We take this for granted!
Anyway, they normally need one thing from us since the starting point: empathetic comprehension, compassionate listening, company. The ‘solution’ (sometimes elusive, even with so experienced Coaches) will come from the respectful, mature, worthy relationship between Coachee and Coach. It’s a cooperative task, so why to put the over-judging lenses only on you? Better, why to ever put them at all?
Flexibility is what normally allows us to vary the path once verified wrong, sterile, etc. Like in science! ‘Trial and mistake’ means even the error is welcomed as a way to know better where to go afterwards. Explaining them things in these terms (if asked, in case of an eventual loss of confidence from their part because of results lower than expected in the beginning) will surely contribute to re-start in good shape.
Love (them, in professional terms of course, not the romantic ones 🙂) and do what you want (what you think is most appropriate for their Coaching needs) …and whenever necessary, just vary and go again! Always from previous agreement with the Coachee(s). This is partnership, with one side always emerging as ‘the most important one’: them.
Good Coaching & ‘Til Next Time!
(THIS ELUSIVE MAGICAL POWER)
Etymologically, the word (‘motivation’, in reality 🙂) comes from the Latin ‘Motvs’ or ‘Motivus’: cause of movement. First consequent reflection: let’s move forward if wanting to feel motivated! ACTION means a lot in terms of motivation, indeed. One of the worst ways of losing it is to become still, what generates ‘enemies’ like fear, insecurity, and many others.
Ex: If we feel bad at work because of the bonus politics or the leadership style, injustices, and other etceteras …will be good to claim while doing nothing? By the contrary, it seems that this behavior will make things even worse.
Motivation is something PERSONAL that can be found only deep inside us, and it has to do with well identified aspects like i.e.:
Self-respect, Self-esteem, Self-awareness, Self-confidence, Self-control, Self-care… What a lot of ‘Self’ here! Perhaps this tells clearly about motivation being impossible to impose, artificially, to others. It comes from the inside. It’s an individual, thus unique state.
‘- Then …how to motivate my people?’ a leader asks (or a father, or just anyone feeling the need of contributing to raise wellbeing in the group they belong to) …a bit of patience, please. This comes later 🙂
As personal growth is ‘less me and more you’ (Joan Garriga dixit) will also be good to complete the motivation panorama by the other side: our peers. Yes, a fantastic way of feeling better (more motivated, if you prefer) is to go beyond our ego: doing things for higher causes, to benefit others.
Abraham Maslow created a well known ‘pyramid’ of human needs, together with (less known) ‘columns’ with motivating and de-motivating aspects of humans’ life. When it came to speak about money, he put it in the de-motivating column. Why? It’s apparently much less important than what we think, and normally just a way of measuring other things that count, as i.e. how much valued we are by who pays us.
Then, isn’t money motivating? We should carefully qualify…
Some more modern analysts (Brad Cleveland, for instance) consider money (‘directly financial’ factor, in their jargon) as one possibility among others, like i.e. ‘affiliation’ (the pride to belong to the firm, organization, club, etc. we are part of), normally attached to the organization culture, philosophy, structure, characteristics, etc.
‘Recognition’ (through more responsibilities, i.e.) proves also relevant in terms of motivation: to be assigned/delegated higher tasks means implicit evidence of our high capacity to cope with them, what always feels good. ‘Career growth’ could be perfectly linked to the previous point, and in the professional world seems to be one of the best motivating points.
To grow, by the way, we usually need support in order to do it properly, at the expected highs, etc. ‘Training’ (and ‘Coaching’, or even ‘Mentoring’), then, come into action for giving people the possibility to be able to move forward in solid way. Motivating!
Far from ‘just details’, some incentives (‘indirectly financial’ factors, according to the experts) prove so motivating also. We speak about things that are not strictly money, even if they mean almost the same to their happy owners, as i.e. two cinema tickets to the ‘prèmiere’ of a top film for the top-seller of the week, or a voucher valued 150€ to be spent in a commercial center for somebody having been praised a lot by an important client, etc.
FROM ‘THE OTHER’ SIDE
Three things are considered so de-motivating for people in general, including workers: lack of TRUST, lack of GOALs, and lack of DIRECTION to achieve the goals.
Once identified which one(s) affect some determined person or group of them, we can counter-attack by tackling in specific way every situation:
Ex.: If somebody suffers from lack of Self-confidence, we can invite this person to remember all of the times in which he/she has been successful, in little of big things during their life. Good to remember they are still this same person and, as well as they breathed before and will keep doing so in the future, exactly the same with their successful capabilities: they’ll keep proving good enough for future achievements too.
To demotivated people that has no apparent goal in their minds, would be good to show other comparable persons that are having lot of success even if some day in the past they were in the same situation/ position of the demotivated one. We can invite them to find out something they really like or feel passion for, and from this starting point accompany them until the identification of a meaningful goal to be achieved by their motivated permanent effort.
And so on…
It seems pretty evident that we can ACT (please remember the huge link between actions and motivation that inspired the ‘MOTIVACTION’ subject for this article) even from the ‘dark side’ of reality, from the de-motivating one. And…
What about the brilliant one? What can we do of positive and constructive to foster motivation?
Any good leader wanting to influence their Team/ Project motivation from the positive side would be seriously considering how to CREATE a fantastic working ATMOSPHERE. A healthy, energetic ENVIRONMENT where their people’s own motivation can ‘land’, prove contagious and generate lot of good vibes that will bring the common reality sooner, easier, towards goal-achievement and full success.
It’s easier to create than to maintain this ‘positive climate’, even if it’s worth the permanent effort.
Finally, if as individuals we feel bad, or de-motivated, let’s remember: ‘if it comes emotional, handle it rational’ as a saying from the professional business world quotes. It should be good to BREATH and calm down for establishing a nice, constructive dialog with ourselves, through key questions like:
‘Why do I exist? What is the true sense of my life? What is expectable from me during my existence, if something expected? What can I do for life itself? And for the other ones? What makes me really happy? How can I begin to work NOW to approach this that makes me happy?’
‘Who makes the question, has the power’ is another well known saying, that I find so true. Thus, the healthy exercise of finding replies to the previous questions will probably give to us the power of truth, guidance, and control, in order to begin to build while taking the reigns of our existence. I honestly consider this a good starting point to arrive to true personal happiness. Then…
‘Til the next one,
STRESS OR LIFE?
(SOME REFLECTIONS ON STRESS-MANAGEMENT)
Let’s decide by ourselves on this. Yes. We have the key in our choice: either to be enthusiastic or over-stressed while facing ‘this’ challenge.
Stress itself is good! It’s necessary and an evolving tool for humans to advance and beat the life barriers wanting to impede us winning.
The dangerous point comes together with ‘over-stress’, and is (as always) a matter of ‘dose’.
What boosts ourselves can also cancel our potential if too much affecting our perception. And I’d like to highlight this: our reality is made of perceptions!
THE NEUROLOGY POINT
As the neuro-scientist David Bueno explains, a lack of context (or correct frame) for whatever piece of knowledge being transmitted to us during a class, or training session, can immediately start a ‘defensive’ effect (let’s call it ‘stress’ 🙂) in our neuronal tissue through emotional ways that act as an ‘alarm’ sign in front of the threat of ‘part of the information we miss can prove important to our survival’.
This fact tells us clearly how emotions count on our stress, if they play a key role in the neurologic way of learning (something frequently supposed to be purely rational, or so).
THE RATIONAL MANAGEMENT
So, once we understand what causes fear, worry, or other types of emotion linked to the stress sensation, the moment comes in which to take rational control of the situation by deciding not to get stressed 🙂
Yes, as Brendon Burchard (and other specialists) say openly: we allow too much stress to affect us. In big majority of cases, it’s ‘created’ by us. We can perfectly decide to ignore this reply to any stimulus (like challenges, i.e.).
THE STRESS-MANAGEMENT FACTORS
According to the psychologist Robin Hills, there are 3 aspects we could reflect on while considering our ability to manage, and handle stress:
Flexibility: our capacity to adapt to any circumstance gives us a versatile opportunity to cope with huge variety of potential stress-factors.
Stress-Tolerance: how can we process inside us the effects of getting stressed (their physical and psychological sides, i.e.)? Inner resiliency proves beneficial on this.
Optimism: positivity (is it necessary to ‘discover’ this again?) is kind of a ‘pill for happiness’, thus becoming a key factor in order to keep over-stress aside. The half-full glass! 🙂
CONFIDENCE, AS ALWAYS…
The more firmly in our feet we feel, the less over-stress we’ll create while facing any difficulty, challenge, or even threat: a large dose of Self-confidence is almost always part of the ‘formula’ to solve the worst aspects of human life.
From this deep inner sensation that ‘yes, I can’ come as a natural consequence the necessary calmness to take the best decisions (and to decide is to act, something always motivating in itself, and capable of reducing negative effects of an embrionary stressing situation).
Another obvious effect from huge inner confidence is the positive perception, that proves itself a nice ‘shield’ against potential damage from stressing reactions we can suffer when feeling weak, inferior, unable, etc.
So: confidence + calmness + positivity seem to form an anti-stress system that deserves attention if wanting to live more.
STRESS OF LIFE, THEN?
Over-stress, if ignored of badly managed, can seriously affect our immune, cardiovascular, neuro-endocrine, and nervous system, being also probable cause for obesity, heart-decease, and other serious illnesses.
Then, the main subject seems to make sense: over-stress is against our lives.
Let’s reflect on this if wanting to take better care of ourselves (advisable 🙂), and on the several elements we count to do so: humor, decision-making, creative actions, meditation, physical exercise, and ‘the things you know that make you feel better’, all of this counts.
a) Rational understanding of the stressing factor is convenient, as normally we get stressed by this that we can’t comprehend: to verbalize our fear or worry, etc., together with the sensations that this produces, can be a nice, therapeutic starting point.
b) Emotional change of perception (from negative to positive) also seems effective: to consider eventual positive aspects of the thing or fact or situation that we perceive as menacing, including a probable positive reason for it to exist this way.
Ex: A compulsive chocolate-eater weighting +120 kg and hating own obesity should ask themselves why this happens and from when (a), perhaps becaming aware of this having been a subconscious strategy to compensate the loss of a beloved person (separation, death, etc.), what proved beneficial and useful at its time (b) as a therapeutic way of coping with the situation. Now is just a matter of re-directing actions to a new goal (getting free from the chocolate addiction, to reduce corporal weight and feel better).
Let’s hope we begin to keep our stress under convenient control, for it to remain an ally towards our goal-achievement, then.
‘Til the next one!
MAGNIFICENT ‘HOW’ (…TO PREPARE AN INTERVIEW)
‘I get extremely nervous while going to a job-interview…’ (a Coachee recently told me) ‘…and they take, then, my behavior as suspicious, or so…’ (everything’s about perception, it’s true) ‘…what means I’m never accepted (sigh)’ 🙁
Most probably, the deep root for such a sad management of this kind of situations is a ‘I CAN’T’ limiting belief that acts from inside the individual by rendering almost every trial unsuccessful. NLP (i.e.) has many ways of attacking limitations of this type (time-line, submodalities, and a large etcetera).
I rather asked this person to prepare consciously for the unconscious 🙂, or in other words: to highlight much more the ‘HOW’ over the ‘WHAT’, or even the ‘WHY’.
WHY they go there is evident: they want a job. WHAT they prepare, the same: their CV and some good pitch to say how good they are.
The interviewer will get hit, nevertheless, by a convincing ‘HOW’, what acts deeply in their subconscious way of perception (the most powerful one, by far) after having been worked inside the candidate’s own subconscious dimension, by conscious insertion. How?
‘Just think of (let’s say) 3 to 5 key words that define behavior+attitude characteristics during your interview’ (I told my Coachee).
While going (walking, Metro, etc.) towards the meeting, you can mentally repeat the formula all of the time: ‘I’ll be looking CALM, SECURE, POSITIVE, SMART, OPEN…’ ‘CALM·SECURE·POSITIVE·SMART·OPEN’ … ‘CALM…’ and so on ‘till the moment in which it becomes an automatic ‘mantra’ in your mind. Breath calmly and deeply during this peaceful process. Repeat it as much as possible.
About the ‘WHAT’, of course you’re supposed to be knowing who you are (professionally) and what you did. We take this for granted.
Big majority of people having applied this formula say they feel much more secure, and confident during respective processes of selection.
Just give a try!
‘Partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.’
So defines the ICF (International Coaching Federation) the thing about Coaching, and I consider every single concept in this really meaningful (the emphasis in some words is ours).
Partnering means the Coachee (client) should have active role in the process.
Inspiring and maximizing tell about motivation to raise the Coachee level in the chosen areas.
Potential clearly shows the path towards the highest benefit from Coaching: Concretion.
Anyway, when coming to current reality we discover plenty of diverse typologies of Coaching, to the point of feeling sometimes a bit lost in the middle of such a myriad of possibilities.
We got involved during a nice while in the task of looking for (finding, afterwards) the points in common from big majority (if not all) of these apparently different approaches to Coaching.
We thought that, this way, perhaps would be possible to discover something like ‘the essence of Coaching’ nowadays. Here’s the result:
1. SERVICE Attitude: to know (the Coach) from the beginning that they are at the Coachees’ service. Even before knowing who the client will be, the conviction about needing to prove useful to their needs in a helpful way is always there.
2. CONNECTION Abilities: to master the art of warming up the first impression for the client (again, Coachee) to feel at easy from the beginning. From the body-language to the temperature of voice in the greeting, sight, etc., everything counts to connect with them.
3. SCANNING Depth: good Coaches have always their ‘radar’ active in order to take + analyze as much information as possible from the huge one the client is sending through both their behavior and oral sent messages. Observing, listening, ‘sponge-bobbing’ (🙂) the Coachee will help determining better their achievable goals in order to define the Coaching path.
4. Permanent MOTIVATION: in the professional world, sometimes a worker is sent (by their Manager or Supervisor) to a Coaching session without having asked for it. Should be good to agree with them in nice possible goals to be achieved through Coaching, then (initial motivation), and also to work on their will of growth during the whole process.
5. Evolving COMPANY: with emphasis in both points, as is good for the Coachees to feel they’re not ‘alone in the dark’ with their growing process, as well as being necessary to keep on checking their evolution through KPIs (key performance indicators) that show evolution alongside the Coaching process.
A hopefully helpful ‘map’ of key ingredients in the Coaching ‘formula’ that we always invite our newcomers in this field to use as an initial ‘mirror’ where to project Self in order to detect strengths and improvable points.
You can do the same if interested in becoming a good Coach!
Afterwards yes, the task of choosing a path from the several ones out there would be the following thing …NLP? …Generative? …WingWave? …Gestalt? …Ontological? …Transactional? …Transformational? …Constellative? …too much for you? 🙂
Then let’s begin by the 5 points exposed before, and then we’ll see.
‘Til the next one!
COACHING & COMMUNICATION TECHNIQUE: EE (EXPANDED EMPATHY) CLICK HERE!