TIPS ON SUCCESSFUL COMMUNICATION
Communication is our way of proving successful (or the other thing) in life! As Paul Watzlawick (Interactional Communication Theory) said: ‘We cannot not-communicate’, then it’s always good to bring our interaction potential to the peak …SUCCESS IS WAITING FOR US!
FROM ‘WORKAHOLISM’ TO HEALTHY DISPERSION
The activity of the organic paradygm of life (the heart) can perfectly be scanned through an electrocardiogram, which graphics will clearly paint us: ups’n downs. Fluctuating entities. We need both ‘states’ in every side of our reality, dictating how we function. Spiritually, physically, psychologically, emotionally …humanly.
After a hard gym session our muscles need to rest. After huge brain activity, exactly the same!
‘Breaks are the best part of my training sessions’ I usually tell students or attendees, and is true for many people there 🙂 Obviously, there’s always this part of the public that would love to remain in the class/session for ever, so enthusiastic around the managed topics, etc. This little article is for them, precisely. We NEED that Break, dear fellows.
Following the medical path, brain is (besides heart) another paradygm to pay attention to, and the huge variety of its functionning waves (Gamma, Beta, Alpha, Theta, Delta, Infra-L, etc.) also ‘paint’ our reality as needing changes, ups’n downs, etc., to happen in balanced way in the end.
Before next gym session, you’ll surely recover your energy by drinking isotonic drinks, protein + carbohydrates + glucosa + etc. …and before your next high intellectual activity, you’ll surely rest well, or take a fantastic break 😊
Cystole and diastole (heart), oxygen and carbonic anhydrade (lungs), understanding the relativity theory and enjoying some beers with the colleagues (hehe). Break!
Let’s recycle self every time we need, as well as the batteries recharge after each use. It’s healthy. It’s necessary.
Nice Break & ‘til the Next one!
THE ‘INNER NO‘
BLOCKING ATTITUDE IN USUAL COMMUNICATION
How many times you know before talking that ‘this one’ won’t let you whatever. Get something, only ask for something, not even suggest something good for them! Their face. Their sight. Their non-verbal signs are telling you in advance that your further attempt will be useless.
That person is obviously affected by ‘the inner NO’ 😊, or in other words: an inner closed, blocking attitude towards you, your stuff or the universe around.
Fractions of second, or few seconds in the worst of cases, are enough for you to know it’ll be difficult-to-impossible to count on them for achieving success.
Reasons? Millions of potential ones, affecting all of their brain process dimensions (instinctive, emotional, rational, in this chronological order for evolution reasons).
The deeper the cause, the stronger the ‘NO’ in their eyes, face expression, attitude, later on surely confirmed by the verbal denyal while nodding head laterally in a clear confirming sign.
Instinctive source can be an inner survival shout telling them they’re in danger, what can happen by temperature conditions in the ambience you’re communicating (too hot, too cold, etc.), remembering them about physical fragility, for instance. Or your face being similar to the one of a person that they always hated, even if they don’t notice this clearly (their subconscious self-defensive system will), what mixes survival to reactive emotion (or reptilian to mammalian, or unconscious to subconscious, etc.).
Emotional-reactive can also be their attitude being caused by a so negative situation affecting them in this moment (they come to crash their car in the first day out of insurance, somebody told them a bad, bad news, etc.).
In whatever case, only a strong dose of connective energy from you can (only perhaps) unlock the closed system they’re ‘wearing’ to protect themselves/reject yours. An adapted warm smile, an empathetic gesture, even some subtle mimmics respect to their style, gestures, etc., could prove useful. Whatever aiming to highlight the things ‘in common’ between the two interlocutors instead of the differences. Only perhaps, as we can better control ourselves than others’ …supposed to, at least.
AND WHAT IF THE ‘NO’ IS OURS?
Ooops! Following the previous thread, we are gifted by a self-control possibility that works by scanning from awareness for deciding from strategic reasons. In other words, EQ (emotional intelligence) primary basement tells us: THOUGHT should control EMOTION before taking ACTION. And to show an angry-dog face IS an action. Is it the most convenient to us? Depends on circumstances.
NLP fights against huge inner ‘NOs’ too, like Limiting Beliefs, that are so deeply lodged convictions usually blocking our path towards positive development of Self and goal-achievement. And we keep closed inside this evil ‘jail’. Closed. Like the ones bringing the ‘NO’ stamped in their forefront before us even greeting them. Closeness…
Openness (instead) is evidently good to perceive more, instead of closing the perception zoom around a fix idea, what will make us lose good part of the reality film around. In these cases we only perceive what we want to perceive, what obviously diminishes a lot the percentage of properness in perception, prejudicing further decision-making.
Openness leads towards versatility of options from total freedom of choice, or a higher one respect to the ‘unique’ one coming from hard closeness. Always better to observe-listen-perceive in an open angle, to evaluate and strategically process afterwards, to decide the most convenient way finally. Of course a ‘NO’ can be then the result, even if a reasoned one instead of the instant, ‘automatic’ one eventually spoiling good opportunities to us.
Openness + Strategic Analysis + Confident Decision seem to be, then, a nice ‘formula’ to cope with our ‘inner NOs’ 😊
‘Til the next one!
THE ‘CREATIVE DECALOG + 1’
HOW TO FINALLY ACTIVATE OUR CREATIVE POTENTIAL 🙂
Just to advance further emphasis on Creativity, and extracted (+ translated) from the book ‘COMUNICACIÓN QUE FUNCIONA’, we share some quick, short little pieces of advice in order to boost CREATIVITY in our daily COMMUNICATION.
Here we go:
I suggest taking into account the following sequence if we want to be more creative in communicating:
- To WANT to BE CREATIVE. 2. To BE CREATIVE. 😊
Hehe …! Maybe a more intelligible and progressive sequence better …
- BELIEVE we are CREATIVE (self-convince ourselves of our creative potential).
- KNOW we are CREATIVE (in effect, we all have such potential).
- WANT to BE CREATIVE (have the real intention of ‘communicating differently’).
- KNOW THE CONTEXT (interlocutor or audience, topic of interaction …).
- BREAK RULES (fight against the usual, predictable and expected).
- ENCOURAGE to VARY (from literal to ironic, from serious to funny, etc.).
- STAY CONFIDENT (avoid relying on the approval of the other).
- STAY CALM (nervousness reduces freedom of choice).
- BE ATTENTIVE (to take advantage of any element of the talk).
- GAME SPIRIT (take the interaction as a game, … enjoy it!).
All of which would come after rule number …
0. PREPARATION (imagine, try new possibilities, alternatives, etc.).
… and finally LAUNCH SELF towards success! Like everything in life, the more we practice something, the better 😊.
Driving us to be more creative and developing creative habits (even if it seems a brutal contradiction!) we’ll surely reach a communication standard in which we’ll frequently stand out for our original way of interacting, which always attracts more attention and generates more connection, and that can be considered ‘success from communication’, which is our main issue since the beginning of this book (‘COMUNICACIÓN QUE FUNCIONA’, Bernardo R. Facta, ESIC Editorial).
‘Til the Next one!
HOW TO SAY IT PROPERLY
How much TIME does effective people save respect to non-effective one? Depends on their abilities to use this key commodity wisely. To ‘invest’ it instead of ‘losing’ it matters a lot.
A communication secret to improve our time-management is ‘how to say NO’, as this will prevent us from multiply ourselves in as stupid things as permanent demmands from others seem to propose to us.
Let’s be clear: sometimes we have/need to pay attention to such type of interruptions, even if always they mean to lose time. Like when we dive, needing time for compression and afterwards time for de-compression, exactly the same:
Rarely we can interrupt a high concentration task to attend others and then immediately be, again, in the same point we left. Honestly, we lose lot of time to recover same focus in the same point we were.
3 simple things will help to say ‘NO’ in an acceptable way for them:
Why to focus on what we can’t do for them? Better to tell them what we CAN: positive language is always better acceptable by others, and makes us feel better too.
A dry ‘NO’ can sound rough. Alternatives, instead, prove your flexibility, and if they have to deny the alternative, then the ‘NO’ is theirs, not ours!
To explain why we offer the reply we’re giving, in order for them to avoid thinking we don’t like them or stupid things alike. It’s a proof of respect to them the communication of our reasons.
Simple! I told you 😊
‘- Hey Beth, can you please help me accomodate the office folders today? …the boss is really hurrying me up with this!’
‘- Tomorrow morning count on me, Johnny! …as he’s asking me today for the final month accounts.’
SAYING ‘YES’: ‘…count on me’
ALTERNATIVE: ‘Tomorrow morning…’
INFO: ‘…he’s asking me today for…’
Our denyals will be perceived as Positive, Kind, and Justified instead of ‘rough’, and we’ll feel less embarrased, ready to go forward with our high-concentration key tasks.
‘Til the next one!
SOFT PERSUASION (ADVANCED COMMUNICATION SKILLS)
Why to Persuade? ‘Cause is the only thing we came to do on Earth, Aristotle would say. Or Kevin Hogan, current specialist in the most subtle aspects of communication nowadays.
In fact, it seems that from your first action when being born (to cry and shout), we are persuading (Mom to give us milk, ‘cause we want to survive). And things keeps working this way ‘til the end. Every thing we say or do will always aim to reach our goals through persuading others for making the process easier.
Our reptilian program of survival (like the one of any species) brings engraved the fundamental law: ‘only the strongest one survives’.
Some geological ages ago, perhaps it could be enough to be bigger than the other hominids, shout or snarl louder, or to simply carry the most threatening stick. Living in the XXI century, some things have changed.
WHY ‘SOFT’, THOUGH?
‘Cause after the intenvion of internet and other linked facts, clients in general don’t want ‘to be sold’, they want ‘to buy’ …and people don’t want ‘to be forced to’, they want ‘to decide’, so, what to us persuaders do?
To change the game: in the 50’s it was about approaching the victim, overwhelming their senses with energetic verbiage and gestures and leaving in their hands something they paid for without absolutely needing it.
In times of social media this could be terrible for the salesperson and for their brand at the precise moment when the other discovered the deception …their revenge would be a hole for the company from Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, specific Web-sites or even the mass media.
The game today is about subtly penetrating their minds, and playing with them until leaving same stuff in their hands with them, in addition, thanking us a lot 😊
It’s about making them ‘believe’ they’d taken the decision that, in reality, we have been seeding drop after drop with our subtle suggestions and management of the interpersonal connection factors. Soft-ly.
REPTILIAN SIDE: THE SMELL…
Only sense attached to this primitive side of our brain (when we repted, the smell was fundamental to detect prays and predators, much more important than sight) the smell can do marvels in our interlocutors’ will, as we can verify each time we enter a mall, by breathing this subtle perfume inviting us to feel happy and relaxed …to buy 😊
So, to apply on Self our favorite perfume can be an effective step when wanting to persuade interpersonally (physically near the person or persons to be persuaded).
‘PACING’ AT ITS PEAK…(1)
This first phase of NLP ‘Pacing and Leading’ connective technique advices to a) Observe carefully the interlocutor, and b) Behave and Communicate in a friendly way respect to theirs (to ‘emitt in a similar wave-length’, metaphorically said).
So: their mood, gestures, particularities, way of dressing, preferences, etc., should be under our ‘microscope’ in order to develop later on a combinable style for being easily accepted by them. As we tell Salespeople in our courses: ‘the first thing they buy from you is You’.
…‘LEADING’ IN CONSEQUENCE(2)
Once having their ‘radiography of behavior and style’ we simply act and communicate in similar (never equal! as ‘mimmics’ can be refused by them) until perceiving their docile acceptance, moment in which our smiley, friendly subtle actions will bring them towards the place we want them to be in.
Recap: until now, good perfume, similar external aspect as theirs (clothes, general style), and combinable way of behavior + communication seem an impressive set. There’s more…
Once in connection to them, will be easier to aim our effort towards the key subconscious side of their perception and decision-making.
Roughly, when we emitt our pitch, it reaches more their conscious level when ending slightly up (higher voice-tone), as well as the lower voice-tone in the end enters their subconscious channel.
To slightly vary the emission of any key suggestion we want to insert in their subconscious mind will prove successful too. How? Minimum changes in the emission characteristics (speed, pace, volumen, etc.) will make the deal. SLIGHT variations are needed, as their subconscious dimension is so clever and will be easily detecting this part of the message addressed to it, as well as it’s risky to exaggerate changes because of the possibility of being detected by their deffensive systems, that will reject from this moment on any other attempt.
And of course, only the piece of message that transmits our suggestion should vary, keeping all the rest in our normal standards of emission (again: speed, pace, volume, etc.).
THE MULTI-TECHNIQUE PSYCHOLOGICAL GAME…
‘Reverse’ psychology can prove useful whenever they are bit doubtful or skeptical and, at the same time, their ego seems quite big.
‘Well, I honestly think this is only for too expert ones, for highly skilled ones …perhaps should be better to let it go, or wait a bit?’
‘Hey, give me this, I’m more than sufficiently prepared for it!’
😊 (they do what we want them to do: feel ‘touched’ in their pride and getting, buying, etc. what we have for them).
‘Assumptive’ principle advances the closure of the action by acting at a certain point (sense of opportunity is needed here, my friend) as if they had already accepted (our suggestion, proposal, offer, etc.). We ‘assume’ they said Yes and go forward with confirming steps like:
‘A fantastic product, indeed, you prefer it in blue or red?’
‘To get out together can be unforgettable! At wat time do I ring your bell tonight?’
‘Referents’ are always powerful to push them towards the decision, or even to manage their probable objections:
‘The doctor in the corner and his brother, the engineer, always bring this brand’ (pushing)
In this case, in addition, the referents are apparently intelligent people, what justifies this technique being named also I.Q.
‘I understand your concerns on the price …I had the same ones until buying it and discovering it’s the best product of its kind, by far, what means the cheapest one too, in the end’ (objection handling)
In this case the referent is ‘myself’, what gives credibility to the thing, being then completed by the benefit of the obvious quality of the product, etc.
Because is good to know, or remember: CREDIBILITY + BENEFIT = PERSUASION
OUR credibility, THEIR benefit(s), and things have to work 😊
Coming necessarily back to the beginning, the ‘animal connection’ as I call it (all of the NON·VERBAL channels that we have in common with our peers: breath rhythm, cadence of speech, emission pace, type of perfum and general smell, voice entonation, etc.) is by far the most important side of the thing.
CONNECTING STRONGLY FROM THE BEGINNING will grant easier, quicker PERSUASION then.
So let’s train our perception for the initial ‘big-bang’ of every meeting or casual encounter with any person: let’s SCAN them immediately, profoundly, in order to use this crucial info for:
- Decodifying their style and characteristics.
- Bonding with them throug combinable style from ourselves.
For best results on all previously said, always better to keep our SELF-CONFIDENCE HIGH, as high as possible, to impress them in genuine, believable way (credibility), in order to leave our POWERFUL PERCEPTION do the rest for detecting their needs and converting them into benefits 😊
Last-but-not-least: PRACTICE!!!!!!! …even if you’re the best footballer of the world, only way of coming well prepared to the match is lot of previous training, effort and practice.
Persuaded? ‘Til the Next one!
PUBLIC·SPEAKING: HOW TO PUT AUDIENCES IN YOUR POCKET 😊
‘Glossophobia’ (fear to speak in public) affects + 70% of human beings, and there’s a clear cause for this: again, EGO.
How many times it happened to you the nightmare of having to present anything (a class subject, a thesis, a conclusive report in business, yourself to a managing board, etc.) while prefering to disappear from the world instead?
Most probably, an inner voice was scaring us with ‘Will I be up to it?’ ‘What they’ll think of ME if I fail?’ ‘MY prestige is at stake!’ ‘I can’t stand everyone looking at ME’ ‘What if I tremble and MY voice fails?’
What if we stop thinking of US and begin thinking of THEM?
Like in many other scenarios, a public-speaker should remember the GOAL to achieve:
TEACH CLASS-MATES about our so interesting topic, if at school; ADD KNOWLEDGE TO OUR PROFESSORS through the conceptual findings our thesis brings to the fore; INFORMING CLIENTS about how we took care of their interests and benefited them; PERSUADING MANAGERS to consider hiring us in order to improve their achievements…
It’s about THEM.
So: ‘What ADDED VALUE do I bring TO THEM with my pitch?’ could be a good question. Once replied, we’ll have nice stuff around which to work our future experience with our public.
‘HOW TO TELL IT TO THEM?’ could be another good one. Masters’ advice:
First, tell them what you will tell them, then tell it to them, then tell them what you’ve told them 😊
This way we grant big majority of attendees getting finally the point, and being aware of this in addition.
Dale Carnegie left lot of relevant stuff on several fields, including public-speaking, and valuable advice to succeed, with specific focus on:
SPEAKING WITH PROPERTY/ Always keep your goal in mind; Gather and order your key ideas in advance; Practice your pitch with your friends; Talk about something you dominate; Act resolved (confidently)…
SPEECH, SPEAKER & AUDIENCE/ Humanize your speech; Personalize your speech by using names; Use concise terms that create images in their mind; Use words adapted to the interests of your listeners; Involve the audience in your speech…
Carolyne Goyder at her turn suggests to care and improve the use of own voice, and speaks about the secret of breathing correctly, projecting our voice (instead of ‘swallowing our own words’ 🙂 and, mainly, growing Self-confidence from within.
It’s true! As I frequently tell my Students or attendees to PublicSpeaking sessions: only you can be the best possible yourself, so offer this to them. Public will thank for receiving a nice dose of originality instead of vane attempts to imitate any other well known speaker.
PURE THEATER, or better said: the purity of theatrical angle of approach rellies on the immense power of Body Language and endless possibilities of expression (sights, gestures, postures …physical non·verbality).
An easy trick is to video-record ourselves practicing our pitch as if it was the real situation, then to learn from observing our performance.
We’ll surely detect how well it looks ‘this’ gesture or sounds ‘that’ voice-inflection, together with how unconvenient is to ‘leave hands this way’ or to ‘remain stall’ as if we were frozen, etc.
In fact, LEARNING FROM OURSELVES will also carry the advantage of the TAILORED thing.
Something else? USE QUESTIONS! Who cares if it’ll be impossible for all of them to reply?
The sole fact of being questionned by the speaker will make them feel involved, implicated, CLOSER to you.
And, so important, PLAY WITH SILENCE to raise general amount of impact by generating their curiosity during the silent instants.
QUESTIONS + STRATEGIC USE OF SILENCE can raise a lot their interest, up to make them WISH YOU GOING FORWARD WITH YOUR PITCH instead of wanting you to cut-off soon and go away.
Steve Ballmer, former highest authority in Microsoft only after Bill Gates, was a true crack in public-speaking, and ‘casually’ by means of mastering the art of Questions and use of Silence to generate interest in audiences.
Some other apparently silly things can make the difference, as i.e.: arrive early to get used to the place + atmosphere (and, if possible, to personally receive attendees by a short, warm introductory talk), breath deeply for a while both using your lungs and your abdominal area, visualize your greatests successes and happiest moments before facing your public and beginning the pitch, etc.
BEGIN WITH IMPACT, END SOLIDLY …and in the Middle?
Last advice 1: strategically prepare WHAT you’ll say in the key moment of the opener (‘no second chance for a first impression’ McLuhan said), as it will penetrate a lot in their minds and can also set mood for the rest of the experience. This is to act by ‘relevance’: relevant because of being the first thing they receive from you.
Last advice 2: strategically prepare WHAT you’ll say in the key moment of the closure (‘they’ll bring your last words hanging in their memory’), as this will remain bouncing in the back of their heads whenever leaving the class, theatre, etc. This is to act by ‘recency’: recent insertion of your words because of being the last ones.
Last advice 3: strategically prepare stuff to raise the usual fall in the attention curve towards the middle of the speech (jokes, use of audio-visual or objectal adds, an activity to be developed by the public, a break …etc.!). Attached to this, prepare also yourself for the unexpected, in which case the higher your Self-confidence→ the easier to cope with anything through calm naturality and creative improvisation, if needed.
‘Til the Next one, dear Public!
THE MEMORY TRICK (How to Grow our Memory Capacities)
Some people gets stunned when I’m capable of instantly remembering the names of 50 attendees to some of my courses. Why?
I know people (few ones, it’s true) that can remember 100 or more (Jim Kwik e.g.)! Any trick? Well, many factors in coincidence, being the first one our true will of playing hard with our own memory in order to keep it fit and even to improve it. Like we do with our muscles in the gym.
Mark Gungor (psychologist and priest) ensures that a key factor is Emotion. In fact, according to him, if we link a fact to a deep emotion, the fact will be recorded in our memory for ever.
Jim Kwik himself is advicing a linked chain of steps that, in summary, go from saying loud a person’s name in the beginning (of a conference or training session, for instance) to repeating it at the time of farewell, running through intermediate actions like (e.g.) asking them about the reason for their names, etc.
My case has been always spontaneous, or natural, thus just using some mind processes like automatically linking the name I’m listening to any meaningful person, object, fact, etc. that I’ll permanently ‘visualize’ from this moment on, each time that I think of the name owner, or talk to them.
I’m training now in Advanced Coaching Strategies some 6 people whose names are Abbie, Clovis, Mouna, Kristoff, Pierre–Yves, and Huw. How have I kept their names in my memory? Don’t remember! 😊 …well, I tied each name to referents that mean something to me: for Abbie, ‘Abbey Road’ (my favorite vinil from the Beatles); for Clovis, ’10 Cloverfield Street’ (a film with John Goodman which poster remains clear in my mind, mainly the street name, similar to my Student’s one); for Mouna, the Moon (sounds so similar to her name); for Kristoff, Jesus-Christ (powerful reminder where there are); for Pierre-Yves (perhaps the most difficult to ‘process’), Yves Saint-Laurent (mainly from the visual influence of its logo); and finally for Huw, the letter ‘U’ (that I imagine pronounced as an exhalation by an exhausted person, me e.g.).
In every case the visual aspect of the mental link prevails: the álbum cover, the film poster, the full moon typical photo, the religious icon in statues and prints, the commercial famous logo, the facial expression (mainly the mouth one) of the guy that exhalates the ‘U’.
CHOOSING YOUR WAY…
As we can perceive from previous examples, my way of enhancing memory capacities is mainly VISUAL (linking names to covers, posters, visible expressions, etc.) as well as Kwik one is AUDITORY (saying loud the name, asking for a spoken story about it, verbalizing it again in the end), and Gungor’s mention highlights the KINÆSTHETIC channel (emotions, sensations, feelings), so… we have ‘recipes’ for everybody! 😊
The strategic thing should be here to find the proper one for each person wanting to memorize more, and better. Always adapted to their own characteristics and preferences.
WHY TO IMPROVE MEMORY?
Even to laugh a joke we use it! In fact, a key part of the complex process that ends with the mechanical movement of jaws favoring the chemical emission of hormones and neurotransmitters of pleasure, is the comparison between current stimulus (probably a joke) and similar files in our memory to which to compare (activation of the hippocampus to look for that previous information): the comparison itself will determine if ‘this is a serious thing’ or ‘this is a humorous version of a serious thing’.
According to Paul McLean’s theory about the Triune Brain, our mind functions mainly in 3 levels, all of them owing something to memory:
Conscious (logical-rational) mind frequently uses stored memories to develop and improve skills throughout time.
Subconscious (emotional-affective) mind has a strong link to memory, making us capable of remembering such abstract things like feelings, and to manage them in our interactions.
Finally, the Unconscious (instinctive) mind stores relevant experiences of our species from the past millions of years …can we find a higher example of ‘memory’?
The biological organism that we are, renews all of its cells in about 10 years. Even though, If you burned your finger as a tiny, tender little child, and you approach same finger to fire in your adult age 50 years later, you’ll physically ‘remember’ that traumatic momento …even if your body completely changed at least 5 times!
The sub-conscious transmission of info from dying-cell to coming-cell will perpetuate this throughout our whole life, not to mention the cell memory that trascends lifes: DNA info from our parents has been stored and transmitted chromosome-to-chromosome, cell-to-cell in order to keep genetics working to keep going generation after generation.
So, if memory is that important for practically every side of us (and respective success) I guess it’s self-explanable the reason why we should care and improve it as much as possible.
And if you don’t pay much attention to your memory, just wait to forget your mobile or computer password 😊
‘Til the Next one!
SILENCE …this Hidden Power in Communication
According to my Brazilian colleague Rodrigo Carvalho, the Meditation moment in which we achieve complete ‘emptiness’ in our minds is the one in which we get in true connection to the Universe.
Silence. As a metaphor of plenitude, far from distracting effects that rumor always brings to keep us underperforming because of interferences in our way towards concretion of own potential. Healthy silence, and also ‘strategic’ one:
Musicians know well how silences are, at least, as important as sounds in the overall reality about music. If we pretend to reproduce a melody whithout respecting its sounds (that build rhythm, pace, speed, character, etc.), we’ll surely fail, and the poor melody will become irrecognizable.
So with human Communication: the better we deal with silences in our verbal interactions with similar, the sooner and easier we’ll succeed (= get their agreement in a ‘win-win’ mutual benefit through persuasion, i.e.).
Short silences (let’s say: the frequent ones in a Sales interaction) should be carefully managed in order to keep the interlocutor ‘in’ and feeling at the same time cared + respected, thus able to nod head positively while being invited to close agreement.
For this, the ‘count-to-two’ rule advices to always wait a little bit before replying to their statements (i.e. counting mentally until ‘2’) for them to feel that we are considering their pitch as ‘very important’, thus having the pleasant sensation of playing a meaningful role in the interaction (‘partnership’), what can be spoiled by our temptation to urgently say ours in order to correct, clarify or persuade (if we always have the ‘perfect+instant’ reply, they’ll feel we are talking only to our own selves, leaving them in a second place).
Long silences, at their turn, are another kind of strategic point to take into account: a too long lapse of silent time (let’s say: during a commercial phone call) can make us ‘lose’ them by mental ‘disconnection’, what should be avoided by our opportune comments to fulfill this ‘hole’, thus keeping them linked, interested, and going forward with the common action.
Following the previous musical analogy, a conversation is like a song played by different musicians, that share something anyway (melody, rhythm, pace, structure, flow…). Whenever this ‘rhythm’ is broken by an excessive intermediate silence (both in music and human oral communication) the ‘magic’ flow disappears, and they hang up or tell us ‘look, call me another day: I remember about an urgency now’ ☹
A powerful use of silence comes when we condition the interlocutor’s reception, i.e. by creating high interest on them through the opportune placement of a piece of silence before some information they begin to ‘need’:
Let’s ask them a question to anticipate the strategic info we want to pass to them …they’ll be surely ignoring the reply, thus feeling there kind of a ‘mystery’ on this, which revelation comes through our intentionally delayed reply: the longer our silence preceding the reply, the higher the mystery afterwards revealed, so: huger mark in their mind + memory!
What do we need to better concentrate in order to prove more effective (studying, creating, or just thinking)? Silence!
It’s true: some people like to have backgroung music to do so, even if perhaps is the perfect excuse not to listen to it (because of this ‘background’) and at the same time using it as a shield to protect our concentration from other (normally distracting) sounds coming from around in our so noisy society.
Silence to get quiet. To meditate. To reflect. To calmly breath while projecting our next steps in the future. To healthy be with ourselves for a while. To remember. To imagine. To ask inner questions which reply will give us more Self-control (environmental rumor is normally part of a systemic net of stimuli that keep us far away from our own center, thus making easier to ‘others’ the task of telling us what to do, and even how and when).
‘SOUND OF SILENCE’
Some recent laboratory research proved our impossibility to cope with complete silence (‘0’ level of noise), thanks to the use of acoustically insulated cameras where a minute of silence became unbearable for big majority of participating volunteers.
The healthy ‘silence’ we normally appreciate the most is in reality the absence of disturbing rumors and external stimuli normally produced in artificial way, as it happens in the modern agglomerations of hyperactivity that contemporary megalopolises have became.
In healthy contrast, coming back to pure nature normally restitues balance to our inner being. Closing our eyes in the forest while experiencing the wind caressing the treetops, and inhaling the aroma of the wet earth during the rain, or perceiving the trilling of birds (music from mother nature) will be much better accepted by our need of inner peace.
JAL (Japan Airlines) usually projects a video to people with fear of flying, in which only the rain over the forest is seen and heard, and whose de-stressing effects are simply shocking.
The above photo is about a natural ‘ikebana’ 😊 that I discovered in the seaside while having a walk recently. It seems a human arrangement because of its balanced beauty, and it was nice to stop in front of it to just admire the miracle of nature, while deeply breathing and listening the rumor of the Mediterranean waves so near.
This little moment ‘re-built’ myself, and helped me feel happy part of the Universe for a magic instant, like the meditation effects my Brazilian colleague spoke about.
Hope you find frequent opportunities to enjoy healthy silence in your life too!
‘Til the next one.
LOVE ME? TELL ME A J🙂KE!
(WHY ‘LOVE‘ AND ‘LAUGH‘ SOUND SO SIMILAR)
The other day, typing nonchalantly through cyberspace, I found out some tips to make a romantic relationship last longer, being the first one ‘to cultivate humor with your couple’.
I was already decided to touch the links between these elements (love and humor), even if from variety of more specific perspectives (regarding psycho-physiological aspects, mainly), and the sudden appearance of this article reminded me so, then …here it goes:
EMOTIONS are a strong side of humans, as everybody knows. They allow us to cope with big majority of life circumstances, in order to help us deal better with the bad ones, and take joyful advantage from the good ones. And from the whole of emotions, happiness is the most valued, even as main reason to live, according to the experts.
Well, one of our best ways of expressing what we feel (emotionally) is our face(1), where a smile or a marked laugh are so clear in their message: ‘- I feel good!’ or, in lot of occasions: ‘- I feel good with you!’, what makes this facial gesture a universal ‘social glue’ since early times of our evolution. If we’re laughing, we attract more than if wearing a menacing expression.
LAUGHING is also an impressive ‘medicine’ against depression, for instance, and benefits both brain (modifying it in positive way) and body (strengthening and toning up lot of its parts).
As Dra. Natalia López comments, we permanently modify our neuronal tissue through what we experience (thinking, loving, feeling…) thus building a ‘biochemical memory’ that registers the respective experience, and if it’s frequently repeated, this memory gets stronger and the whole system tends in easier way to process reality this way: in other words, the more we tend to laugh and take things in positive way, the more we get used to this kind of ‘process of reality’.
The BRAIN processes humor from the parietal lobe, where a detection of ‘error’ respect to orthodox logic advances de possibility of a ‘joke’, and then the signal is passed to the temporal lobes, that at their turn inform the hippocampus for it to communicate to the basal ganglia and the cerebral amygdala. The mechanical result of this process is a laugh, and in the chemical side, the release of dopamine: carrier of happy sensations as a ‘reward’ to the detection of the error that presaged joke (always depending, of course, on how good the joke is 🙂).
Then, according to the neuroscientist Eduardo Calixto, the hypothalamus manages the post-humor therapeutic effects: pleasant sensation (anti-stress), increase in the defenses and activation of the immune system, etc.
The same DOPAMINE released by humorous effect is considered (Loretta Breuning) responsible for feelings such as love or lust (‘love’ and ‘humor’, again linked) and is called, thus, as ‘mediator of pleasure’.
For his part, Prof. John Salamone (University of Connecticut) partly disagrees on the above, expressing that this neurotransmitter has more to do with motivation than with pleasure itself, and commenting that it’s usually released when making the first step towards an objective, and when that objective is met.
OXYTOCINE, on the other hand, is a hormone that the hypothalamus manages and releases when we connect: either sharing laugher (humor), or from caresses with someone to whom we feel romantically attracted (love), and we could continue with the neuro-bio-chemical list through SEROTONINE, ENDORPHINES and others, even if the original idea was to hammer on LAUGHER as a close relative to the KISS in order to make someone feel appreciated.
‘Glass half full’, then, always better than ‘glass half empty’, and so on.
There is lot of research and experiments on the transmission of bad news with a smile in face so that ‘they hurt less’ or, on the contrary, of excellent messages in a rude way with the consequent negative reaction from the part of the recipient. Obviously, the information is processed first at the emotional-perceptual level, leaving the logical intellection of the message on a lesser level. ‘Humor’ (smile) is taken here as ‘love’ (appreciation), even if the message says barbarities of the interlocutor, which obviously will also capture the literary content, even though their reaction will continue to be conditioned by the ‘how’ (smile or threatening gesture).
It is also evident that, already in the field of mass media, criticism of a government (let’s say) by an opposing newspaper, ‘hurts less’ if made from a comic strip than through the resounding words of a ‘serious’ columnist.
In short, if laughing benefits us socially, helps us to perceive ourselves in a better way, strengthens us and improves health, sweetens even the most uncomfortable message, and so many etceteras …what are we waiting to ‘burst out in laugher’ more frequently?
To remember: repeatedly activating the neurobiological processes involved in humor (to laugh a lot and as frequently as we can) greatly improves our day to day …and that of others.
Let’s love ourselves and our peers→ Let’s give free rein to laughter!
‘Til next time,
(1) Down in this same Page: ‘THE PROBLEM OF WEARING A FACE’
CURIOSITY: THE FUEL FOR YOUR ENTERPRISE
As Zig Zigglar wisely said once, curiosity can be a nice replacement, if lack of true passion in what we do (for instance, at work).
Of course the ideal thing should be for everybody to find a fantastic job adapted to their wishes, talents, needs, possibilities, etc. Confucius expressed this in impeccable way by saying ‘Find a job that you love, and you’ll never have to work’. And it’s true! It becomes more an entertainment than a job if this is the fortunate case.
In fact, I honestly doubt about ‘the system’ capacity to do things well. Otherwise, how to explain the fact that in our world we rarely find someone in Confucius situation? It seems, instead, that the diagram of work reality has been designed by kind of a crazy one, forcing majority of people to do things that bore them, or push them to do so ‘because otherwise…’
For this people, Zigglar’s idea could prove so helpful. Tuning ourselves in a ‘curiosity’ mood time runs faster, and the person suffers less (my personal experience demonstrated this to me more than once). It’s about an attentive, permanent attitude of curious interest about every aspect of our reality, in order to live it more intensely.
This will allow us to take more creative, or solving actions with higher frequency, instead of the depressing choice on claiming while doing nothing, or just doing nothing! (thus sadly ‘giving up’).
‘To explore new worlds … to find new life … new civilizations … to arrive where no man has arrived before’ was the leitmotiv of ‘Star Trek’, from its intro to the several episodes that fascinated me during my childhood (in fact I arrived to phone the TV channel asking them to move the time-schedule earlier ‘cause my grandparents were sending me to bed at half of the emission at night …and they did it! The emission was programmed four hours in advance since my call, what meant I could enjoy ‘Star Trek’ when back from school 🙂).
Our terrestrial, human curiosity is normally the first step towards growth: ‘What about this?’ …and we go for it to discover. ‘What if…?’ …and we do it or experience it, what normally adds something to our knowledge or understanding, and so on.
We know surely lot of people that looks normally skeptical towards everything. It seems they live because air is for free! 🙂 Seriously hope is not your case, dear reader.
Curious people look normally ‘more alive’, that’s it. They find, also, motivation from their curiosity, and we’re now speaking about something that really matters to everybody, business leaders included. Curiosity builds motivation to discover, thus acting as a booster in our lives (what means: extra-energy).
From some scientific angle, curiosity has been frequently peered to high intelligence also. Evidently, guys like Albert Einstein and similar ones have to have been all of their lives curious about something in order to move forward in their respective science fields.
So, can curiosity be built, or increased? Can it be learned? Million-dollar question.
Psychologists define a ‘trait curious’ person like somebody with a tendency to delve deeply into subjects that grab his attention, learning more about himself and the world in the process.
The science writer Elizabeth Svoboda says that ‘lives of curious people may not always go according to plan, but their willingness to take a chance on improvisation pays big in dividends’ and accompanies her thought with some clear examples (‘Psychology Today’, September 2006 issue).
We can now add creativity (from improvisation) to the list of fantastic things to be linked to magic curiosity. ‘Yes but, back to the point, can curiosity be taught or learned?’
Let’s go with some advice coming from this author in order to work on our own curiosity:
Reframe ‘boring’ situations by doing something different inside them, thus turning them into a more meaningful moment.
Overcome ‘fear’ of trying something new by maximizing the positive consequence of new adventures over the natural defensive reaction (always in prudent way).
Let your true passions shine by intense focus on your goals and interests that will create ‘flow’ (eliciting feelings of well being) instead of letting you feel bored while doing necessary stuff to master your talents, resources, and abilities.
Other sources speak also about clearing our minds from the beginning (to avoid assumptions), asking questions (that lead to other ones, or to revealing replies), decide to be amazed by everyday things (to find new meanings), etc.
I’m pretty convinced about flexibility from an open mind being an engine that curiosity can impulse towards permanent discoveries or new sides of the daily reality.
When being boosted towards subjects or things we have chosen (from deep true interest and curiosity) we’ll feel free, and much better + in control than when we just follow ‘automatisms’ that are there to accomplish with tedious and repetitive tasks to which we give ourselves as lambs.
Yes, a bit of ‘vital rebellion’ is key ingredient for the curiosity plate.
Best wishes from a ‘trekkie’!
‘Til the next one,
THE PROBLEM OF WEARING A FACE
(OR …THE REASON OF EMOTION)
‘If coming emotional, manage it rational’ is often said in conflict-solving, and who can illuminate in this regard is certainly Daniel Goleman, initial driver of Emotional Intelligence, then ‘sublimated’ by him to Social Intelligence and other fields.
Emotions are the boiling kitchen where life is usually cooked, even if our rational side should be (inside the frame of this culinary analogy), the Chef in control of the final dish. At least from Goleman’s point of view.
By presenting a triangle with ‘Feeling’, ‘Thought’, and ‘Action’ as vertex, his advice would be always to let Thought control Feeling before Action. Easy!
We know, then, that living is a complex thing, sometimes finding us in the uncomfortable situation of asking to ourselves: ‘- Why did I act this wild way? This is not me!’
It’s me, of course. A side of me that precedes the highest rationalistic capacities of my brain, that came later to form part of the whole thing.
From the beginning of time, we humans have always expressed ourselves without words, just because they were so recently invented in terms of evolution.
So, we expressed mainly through gestures, guttural sounds, movements and, mainly, our face.
Pretty much as today! …even if with a bit higher rational control to express ourselves in accurate, civilized, assertive way.
Dr. Paul Ekman, together with Harriet Oster (then followed by more scientists interested in their initial paths) worked hard in research of facial human expressions, or (in other words), the expressive consequence of wearing a face 🙂
And the previous smiley can be considered the symbol of …the only positive one! True: from the 6 universal emotions (the ones that mean the same in every human culture or ethnic group) HAPPINESS is the only one we consider as ‘good’ in terms of social connection, further success, etc.
Here, the complete set:
As we can clearly see, and following the typical traffic-light code, red color dominates the scene, what means:
To bring face is dangerous! 🙂
When we laugh or smile (expression of HAPPINESS) lot of neuronal, physical, and chemical processes get combined to make us feel so good and, in addition, to invite the other ones to do so (social advantage).
And the second (less dangerous) expression could be SURPRISE, that deserves the yellow color because of its ambiguity: it can prove good if we express our joy while receiving a fantastic birthday gift …or we can express a completely different thing if entering our flat and finding it full of rats.
ANGER, DISGUST, SADNESS, and FEAR expressions are self-explaining, thus being enough to remember that, like every emotion, they play a theoretically beneficial role always in favor of the human being that ‘wears’ them …still being the four of them SO negative to everybody’s perception.
Yes, every emotion exists to put ourselves in movement (e-motion) …from where to where? From an uncomfortable situation towards its relief.
So, ANGER (hostility) is an active reply against external aggressiveness, rejection, or negativity. DISGUST is a defensive rejection or distance from what we don’t accept (physically, morally, etc.). SADNESS is a compensation for hurtful losses, or non-accomplished wishes. FEAR is an alarm signal to protect ourselves from danger.
The point is that our peers are rarely scientists interested in the sociologic effects of our external face expressions. Normally, they tend to react instinctively (in so powerful way, then, as the subconscious levels of process are always deeper and stronger than the conscious one) to what we emit through our face. Action-reaction. Sounds logical?
So, what if we begin to raise awareness on our facial expressions more frequently? I bet this will prove so beneficial to live better by better connection to people around.
Just make a trial: enter any shop with a bad expression in your face (or even a neutral one!) and ask for something from their counter. After a reasonable time repeat the operation from a smiley, friendly expression in your face.
‘Know yourself’ says a quote in the Apollo temple front (Delphos, Greece) that Pausanias mentioned in early times of our civilization as a spark to think of Self-awareness being the precedent step to Self-control, from which we can expect lot of success in whatever we want to do.
Awareness, then, and our goal always clear in mind, can help to ‘wear a better face’ for longer, what (please, believe) will be benefiting also the world around us.
‘Til the next one!
COMMUNI·QUESTIONS: POWER FOR SUCCESS!
‘Who makes the question has the power’ we normally say in our communication courses. Because once you ask, the other one is already ‘working for you’ in search of a reply (what gives you control of the interaction), and the reply normally brings information (what, in the ‘era of the information’ means: power).
Thus, a single communication tool, even if a so powerful one (the Question) gives you control + power. Do you think it would be worth considering using them more?
It’s said that for whatever goal, including the whole professional field, there’s always a question making its achievement easier and sooner. Questions, then, are also so ubiquitous, capable of proving effective in huge variety of circumstances and needs.
Socratic maieutics, so useful to empower the interlocutor (no less) was based on questions … the journalist Frost completely disarmed the former American president Nixon (live, on TV) with his incisive questions about the Watergate case, and the examples would fill books.
The power of questions is indisputable. Important point is, now, the ‘how’ always over the ‘what’ (as big master Marshall McLuhan clearly stated and demonstrated several times) thus being the thing, more than ‘what’ question to ask (important, of course), ‘how’ to pose the question(s).
Some people is really gifted on this: they always make the interlocutor feel they’re more important than questions themselves. So, the questioner normally follows the flow led by the interlocutor’s replies, in versatile way, and (overall) in friendly mood, building as much closeness and confidence as possible.
Strategy behind asking is key side of the thing also: convenient now a closed (‘yes’, ‘no’, or a single concept reply), or either an open question (giving room for interlocutor’s free expression in whatever length of reply)?
Bored by a too large conversation? Or, by the contrary, needing more time inside it to find your better choice or decision on how to take respective profit? Questions can act as a timer also! You can place the conversation wherever you want, shortening, or enlarging it at your will by the appropriate use of opportune questions.
If you’ve lost control of the interaction, a question can bring it back to you: while the other one thinks of the reply you’re already getting the reigns, and planning where to place the chat in the following moments.
You can become Socrates whenever you want by the use of a reflective question that will make your interlocutor meditate and, probably, change mind and act according to your veiled suggestion (what makes questions a fantastic persuasion tool).
a) ‘- John, you’re clearly underperforming the last weeks. Much more is expected from you!’ (a manager to his/her employee).
b) ‘- Hey John, with all of your talent and experience, d’you think you’re doing your best lastly?’
Just imagine what the reaction + eventual reply from the employee can be in both cases.
Are you leading a Team? Use questions to mobilize, motivate, inspire, persuade your people!
Are you training instead? Use questions to generate interest, and to invite to reflection, or creative debate!
Are you coaching? Use questions to easy the other one’s discovery of own richness, and to let them move forward by finding successive motivating goals in their growth path.
Are you communicating in whatever way or circumstance? Use questions!!!
‘Til the next time …can I count on you then? 🙂
THE TIME·MANAGEMENT F🙂RMULA
A Gestalt approach to reality can mean (among other variations) complete consciousness of ME, NOW, HERE. Awareness.
Awareness about every breath we take meaning we are a breath closer to our last one. ‘Lugubrious?’ Practical! The more conscious we are about the true importance of every minute of our lives, the better we’ll feel invited to use it properly.
Time·Management, then, is usually a matter of Awareness. Of Consciousness.
Time itself is so easy to measure, we’ll agree. A chronometer is enough. Strange to verify that such a measurable dimension can be that attached to something completely vague as ‘how happy we are’. How? In the professional field, the most motivated (happy) Teams are the most successful ones, usually.
Time.Management, then, is also about Motivation (from Latin ‘Motus’ or ‘Motivus’: cause of movement). And movement means action! The more enthusiastically active we are, the more fruitful our time will prove in the end.
And other topics normally marked as ‘must’ for Time·Management consideration are: the ability to program action by finding difference between Urgent and Important (and prioritizing our to-do list in consequence), to program our schedule by always leaving some free time in it (for the unexpected, or for improvement of the actions there if nothing strange suddenly appears), as well as the capacity to ‘disappear to find time’ sometimes (isolating ourselves during a while without being disturbed –delayed- by usual circumstances as i.e. people coming to us for variety of things, some of them irrelevant or even stupid).
Communication remains to our humble opinion as the very key factor in saving time: the more Empathetically (capable of ‘standing in their shoes’) we are, the more rapidly we’ll be able to detect their communication style+preferences, thus being easier afterwards to ‘tune’ our emission to their favorite way of perception/reception/listening/comprehension. And we clearly speak now about Assertiveness (accurate emission), that always comes hant-to-hand with Empathy.
Communication, then, will help us understand + be understood earlier, thus saving a lot of Time normally lost in ‘…er… can you repeat this please? Didn’t get it yet, I guess…’
And that’s it by now, ‘cause Time runs! 🙂
Be AWARE , Be HAPPY & COMMUNICATE WELL to SAVE TIME.
‘Til the next one…
THE FIFTH BEATLE (Continuous Improvement)
Together Everybody Achieves More (TEAM) is a concept that alligns with neuroscientific statement about us being more socially maleable and less genetically pre-determined that what it was always thought in order to achieve success. So: better together than alone.
Why? Through common effort we seem to get goals earlier and easier, improving path because of higher + more varied set of potential (talents, resources, etc.). How? By means of synergic behavior once the true unity is achieved. Common Goal + Unity: good part of what establishes the difference between just a ‘group’ and all of a TEAM. …’synergic’ was said?
The synergic TEAM’s result is always more than the simple sum of individualities. And synergy is practiced through openness in two senses: every member being humble enough to learn from the fellows, and generous enough to teach them from the best of Self. Permanently.
This way, a dynamic path of continuous improvement is started, based on the main principles of a solid TEAM: trust (everybody knowing ‘how good we are’ and how ‘yes, we can’ :), communication (the permanent link that keeps ideas and warmth moving on), commitment (true sense of responsibility), accountability (acceptance and appreciation of every person and their specific talents), and common goals (vision of what is expected from all together instead of only from the individual).
In parallel, these principles are telling us about the challenges to beat (their opposite ones), as i.e. lack of trust or either mistrust, fear of conflict or Selfish isolation, laziness or lack of responsibility, incapacity to recognize and value every individual together with their unique contribution, and excessive individualism that makes forget about the overall reality as a TEAM.
The dynamic path mentioned two paragraphs above means also capacity to improve the TEAM permanently by profitable integrating new hires, new blood for the higher success: ‘the fifth Beatle’ can/should be then accepted and allowed to become a new running gear to boost the already good engine.
Synergy will be letting every member to keep on track, growing permanently, and (normally) an effective leadership will be in real-time detecting every eventual need of physical growth to call the ‘fifth Beatle’ when necessary. Diversity is the first ingredient for solid synergy, and patience to integrate the diverse ‘gears’ until best performance is another key side of the thing.
TeamBUILDING, and TeamBONDING experiences can be additional ‘yeast’ to keep the thing growing while tackling any eventual conflict or misunderstanding like the ones that can always happen between human beings, no matter how good the TEAM can arrive to be. This is, anyway, something for the next time…
Simply said (sorry, Beatles!), it’s about being a true TEAM, instead of just a band 🙂
Good TEAM & See You Soon!
COMMUNICATION: THE ‘OTHER’ BIG-BANG
Brief tenths of second make the difference: the ones of a first impression. Marshall McLuhan said that ‘no second chance for a first impression’, adding that on this depends the rest of any communicative act.
And communication seems to be our way of proving successful (or the other thing) in life, precisely, as ‘we cannot not communicate’ (Paul Watzlawick), thus being everything we do or experience, pure communication…
Like the ‘big-bang’, the brief initial impact of our image+first movements+first sounds (voice, i.e.) in the interlocutor(s) brings the key for good part of the further interaction result: if they like you, done! If the other thing, ooops…
Attention to non verbal, then, from the beginning. How friendly, warm, appealing, approachable, and ‘human’ is your first impression to others?
Instead of the concentration of energy to begin the universe, these brief instants contain a huge concentration of potential to begin successful interactions.
Persuasion is, on the other hand, the only reason for us to exist (Aristotle), and in human relationships it begins by your first impression on them 🙂
‘Til the next one!
LEADERSHIP: AM OR FM?
Communication is, as always, the key side of leadership. And the difference between AM and FM ways. Lot of ‘bosses’ (AM) and few true ‘leaders’ (FM) is reality in majority of organizations…
AM (Aggressive Manipulation) Style = BOSS
The stick instead of the carrot (sorry for the bit outdated topic: it clarifies so well the thing), this style needs permanent demonstrations of power from the leader, er… boss.
When something failing at work, their question will be ‘- Who was it?’ and the following message: ‘- Prepare yourself for the consequences’.
Manipulation is the chosen way of getting things done, by subtly telling subordinates the only way of surviving in acceptable conditions is achieving the indicated (normally impossible to crystallize) goals at whatever price.
Result: a working ambiance fluctuating between fear and demotivation, with people feeling the huge pressure of ‘failure not allowed’ + insolidary ‘save-youself-if-you-can’ coexistence.
FM (Formative Motivation) Style = LEADER
The carrot is here, of course, the choice, and the first enthusiastic one is, precisely, the leader, that acts and behaves in a way that shows permanent example to their people.
If any failure at work, the main question, after ‘What’ happened, is ‘- Why?’ and, furtherly, ‘- How can we prevent this to happen again?’. Sure improvement is, then, in the horizon.
Motivation is the favorite way of aiming to goal-achievement in this style, and relies in supporting Team-members to evolve by concreting their own potential through work. Offering Training opportunities to them is here a key strategic point. By feeling secure and motivated, people normally reaches (and goes even over) the fixed goals.
Result: a working ambiance combining will of growth by learning from the leader (and fellows), together with healthy disposition to teach the others from the best of Self. Synergy, in other words.
Who doubts nowadays between AM and FM? The last one is always synonym of newer, and of best quality respect to the old-fashioned AM. FM is then our suggested choice.
Let’s hope this article LEADS you towards nice paths in your interaction with your people 🙂 ●
EE EXPANDED EMPATHY TECHNIQUE© (ADVANCED COMMUNICATION & COACHING)
GOAL: to rise empathetic rapport during our interactions, in order to get higher, more profitable levels of confidence, comprehension, and success.
Based on our physical + mental architecture, this integrative technique aims to help communicators/coachees raise their empathetic levels of expression, thus building a higher, more productive rapport with interlocutors (crucial side of successful communication and coaching).
EXERCISE FOR 2 PARTICIPANTS WORKING IN PAIRS
Elements: 8 (Expression Smileys) hand signs.
1) STORY·TELLING: sitting in front of each other, participant A tells a short (let’s say 1 minute long) story to participant B, that should pay evident attention. The story can be instantly improvised, or product of a previous reflection/ memorizing minute.
Participant A: awareness about emitting something (a story) in summarized, clear way (meaning, added value to emission, etc.) + accurate emission in time (structure, time–management).
Participant B: need to demonstrate evidently attention to the speaker (consideration, non verbal expression, etc.).
2) SMILIED STORY: A tells same story to B, that will show to the speaker different Expression Smileys signs during the exercise, in order for A to adapt face expression + general mood (tone, style) to each shown sign, independently from the story characteristics. Further short MUTUAL FEEDBACK: both A and B comment about own sensations, experiences, etc. during the exercise.
Participant A: versatility, adaptation to emotional contexts, higher awareness about key role of expression in emitted messages, etc.
Participant B: control, decision-making, observation, awareness about key role of expression in communication, etc.
3) ACTED STORY: now B tells a (different, obviously) short story to A, who will be ‘acting’ as better as possible each part of the narrative, still sitting, in silent way (only mimics, gestures, face expressions, movements, etc.). Further short MUTUAL FEEDBACK: both A and B comment about own sensations, experiences, etc. during the exercise.
Participant A: non-verbal/body-language expression, high attention, versatility, improvisation, connection, etc.
Participant B: awareness about emitting something (a story) in summarized, clear way (meaning, added value to emission, etc.) + accurate emission in time (structure, time-management).
4) EE ROLE-PLAY: both participants agree on a realistic interaction (talk) as i.e. a walk by the street (friends or accountants roles) or a professional meeting (supervisor and employee, i.e.) to be used as main-frame for the role-playing exercise, where:
A (again) begins emission while B is showing high attention + implication through evident verbal (short confirmation or motivating expressions), and non-verbal (gestures, facial expressions, etc.) actions, in order for A to feel listened, comprehended and supported by B. The verbal + non-verbal behavior (from B) should be ‘realistic’: evident enough to prove influent and controlled (at the same time) to avoid inconvenient exaggerations. Then roles can be shifted (B emitting and A attending, to continue the conversation) until ending the exercise. Further deep MUTUAL FEEDBACK: both A and B comment about own sensations, experiences, etc. during the exercise + describe achievements through analysis and reflection.
Both Participants (A and B): intense interaction, raised empathetic expression, emotional management, adapted acting abilities, effective real-time feedback, clarity, connection, etc.
FRAME: any kind of interpersonal (presence) talk between persons at whatever level, including business, or coaching situations.
META-FRAME: ethic intention of producing an always beneficial influence in them + practical approach to achieving fruitful results from a higher level of connection in the interaction.
HOW IT WORKS:
1) Activation of the interpersonal channels (sight, voice, gestures, physical –including facial- expressions, audition, smell, eventually tact, etc.) to establish connection with interlocutor + high attention level→ mainly receiver, and awareness about accurate (structured, driven, summarized, worthy) emission→ mainly speaker.
The high level of intensity in the reception helps to avoid the typical ‘sub-vocalization’ state, consisting on paying only partial attention to our interlocutors because of assigning the other part to our own ego (inner dialog or reflection on personal stuff, or interests).
The need of accuracy in the emission, in order to cope with the goal of telling a conditioned message (short, complete, understandable, etc.) allows to raise the worthy content, thus rendering the conveyed stuff more valuable in terms of ‘density of meaning’.
2) Activation of our ‘mirror’ neuronal tissue (proven equally affected/stimulated by both true human facial expressions, or graphic smileys) starts raising empathetic implication towards connection, crucial side of communication. On the other hand, awareness about emotional implication in interactions’ success enriches capacity to influence + versatility.
3) Body-language adds more intensity + efficacy to higher implication into connection, by taking advantage of the evolution-anthropologic evidence of non-verbal aspects being basement for humans interaction since millions of years ago, while spoken words exist since ‘just’ some 50.000 years ago→ we are mainly non-verbal beings!
4) Jumping in the evolution scale towards nowadays’ modern ways of interaction, we connect both verbal and non-verbal channels in strategic way, in order to prove more intense (and influent) in the interaction positive result.
SUMMARY: diversity of aspects are combined in this integrative technique, from higher awareness to influent implication, from constructive elements (senses, representational systems, brain functioning –mirroring, afferent+efferent impulses-, etc.) to strategic management of communication, in order to benefit both reception and emission.
NOTE: implemented for the first time by 2015 during our intermediate level Coaching seminars, this technique has been replicated by Managers and Supervisors of professional teams in order for their people to achieve higher results through improved communication …with fantastic outcomes .
TOUCH’N GO TECHNIQUE© (QUICK CONVERSATIONAL HYPNOSIS)
Pilot’s jargon for an exercise consisting in shortly landing and immediately taking off again, let’s name this way the rapid, ‘chirurgic’ technique to insert a suggestive message in our interlocutor’s mind, furtherly explained.
GOAL: to influence somebody’s opinion, decision, behavior, actions, through a key thought being inserted in the most powerful side of their minds (the unconscious one).
1) SUGGESTION: we say (verbalize) the thought, concept, idea we want to insert in their unconscious mind by slightly varying some characteristics of the emission (tone, speed, etc.) respect to the ones we are using alongside the whole conversation with the person(s).
2) FASCINATION: we immediately speak about something (whatever) else after the suggestion having been ‘launched’, now recovering the ‘normal’ tone, speed, etc.), in order to get quick conscious concentration of the person(s) in this new subject, thus distracting them from analyzing or paying attention to the previous (suggestive) stuff.
FRAME: an interesting (emotional, inspiring, appealing, etc.) conversation that is having them focused and wanting to go forward with it.
META-FRAME: ethic intention of producing an always beneficial influence in them.
HOW IT WORKS:
We alter the ‘orthodox’ order of application (Fascination+Suggestion) in classic, basic hypnosis by inserting first the suggestion, then distracting by calling their focused attention on something else while the key thought is already active in their unconscious minds to influence on them (better if we distract them with something so appealing, based on their highest interest).
The appealing conversation lowers the barriers (filters) people normally put in order to ‘defense’ themselves (‘critical factor’ in the hypnosis jargon) from outer harm or menace, thus easing access to their unconscious processes in order to positively (please remember ethics!) influence them.
NOTE: every hypnotic action should begin by the hypnotist achieving first the so called ‘H+’ state, consisting in: a) connecting with interlocutor(s) by best feelings towards them (appreciation, love, etc.); b) putting Self in the right frame (relaxed, focused, etc.); c) connecting through smile, hands-shake, mention of things in common, etc. d) communicating a sense of trust, calmness, comfort, and security.
DMA · DIDACTIC MENTAL ANCHORING TECHNIQUE© (ADVANCED TRAINING SKILLS) CLICK HERE!